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Rant time
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ridemycamel has requested the following:
Unrelated, but I want you to rant about any aspect of the Palestinian conflict and your involvement as a Jew demon in human form. Bitch about Palestinians, Israelis, other Jews, whites, etc. You can direct it anyway you want, and of course, bonus points if you use racial slurs.
'Cause I haven't ranted about that, ever. Oy. Actually, I suppose I haven't ranted on it for awhile, since it has a tendency to not change very much, despite what the media seems to think. But we just had Israeli Apartheid Week here in Hogtown, so the timing's good. The aspect I'm going to rant on specifically is the Palestinian-Israeli debate on campus, since that's where I was all last week.
The following rules are now in effect:
Before bringing up suicide bombing in an argument, you are now obligated to explain why it's automatically worse than any other sort of bombing. Make the explanation good.
When someone's giving a lecture and you want to take issue with what he or she says, wait for the Q&A session. Why don't people understand that?
"Accredited media" means "accredited media," not "some schmuck with a video camera." If someone doesn't want to be videotaped, it's polite to not videotape them. Also, no one actually believes that you're making an independent documentary.
"Questions" mean exactly that, not "long-winded statements describing in detail how your party is going to solve the conflict." STFU.
The latest atrocity is not "the worst [blank] ever." Newsflash: It probably isn't, and it's all a matter of perspective anyway. I don't care if Desmond Tutu says that Israeli apartheid is worse than South African apartheid; it's bad political rhetoric to rank your suffering in comparison with someone else's. Your situation is dire enough without exaggeration.
Zionists are no longer allowed to tell pro-Palestinian and/or anti-Zionist Jews: "You should be ashamed of yourself." Wow, no one's ever told me that before. I'm now totally ashamed of myself. I think what convinced me this time was how you shouted it in my ear. Asshat.
White people must now pass an IQ test before being issued keffiyehs.
The only person who's allowed to call me a kike isbrownfist. No, I don't care if you called yourself a kike first.
The phrase "a secure Israel and a democratic Palestine" is now banned from political discourse unless you're being deliberately ironic.
Palestinians are not responsible for anything the President of Iran says.
Stop coming up with conspiracy theories. Don't you have enough to worry about without making shit up?
No, I don't hate myself. I probably hate you, though.
If you've prefaced your statement with "I think we can all agree..." I probably don't agree with what you're about to say.
Supporters of a secular, democratic, one-state solution do not believe that Israelis should be sent back to Europe. Therefore, telling me to go back to Europe since Canada is on First Nations' land is not a very effective argument.
This is official notice that Jonathan Jaffit is kicked out of the Tribe. But he should never be banned from campus events because he makes them far more entertaining than they otherwise would be.
Anyone have anything else to add? I have a feeling I'm leaving stuff out.
ridemycamel has requested the following:Unrelated, but I want you to rant about any aspect of the Palestinian conflict and your involvement as a Jew demon in human form. Bitch about Palestinians, Israelis, other Jews, whites, etc. You can direct it anyway you want, and of course, bonus points if you use racial slurs.
'Cause I haven't ranted about that, ever. Oy. Actually, I suppose I haven't ranted on it for awhile, since it has a tendency to not change very much, despite what the media seems to think. But we just had Israeli Apartheid Week here in Hogtown, so the timing's good. The aspect I'm going to rant on specifically is the Palestinian-Israeli debate on campus, since that's where I was all last week.
The following rules are now in effect:
Before bringing up suicide bombing in an argument, you are now obligated to explain why it's automatically worse than any other sort of bombing. Make the explanation good.
When someone's giving a lecture and you want to take issue with what he or she says, wait for the Q&A session. Why don't people understand that?
"Accredited media" means "accredited media," not "some schmuck with a video camera." If someone doesn't want to be videotaped, it's polite to not videotape them. Also, no one actually believes that you're making an independent documentary.
"Questions" mean exactly that, not "long-winded statements describing in detail how your party is going to solve the conflict." STFU.
The latest atrocity is not "the worst [blank] ever." Newsflash: It probably isn't, and it's all a matter of perspective anyway. I don't care if Desmond Tutu says that Israeli apartheid is worse than South African apartheid; it's bad political rhetoric to rank your suffering in comparison with someone else's. Your situation is dire enough without exaggeration.
Zionists are no longer allowed to tell pro-Palestinian and/or anti-Zionist Jews: "You should be ashamed of yourself." Wow, no one's ever told me that before. I'm now totally ashamed of myself. I think what convinced me this time was how you shouted it in my ear. Asshat.
White people must now pass an IQ test before being issued keffiyehs.
The only person who's allowed to call me a kike is
brownfist. No, I don't care if you called yourself a kike first.The phrase "a secure Israel and a democratic Palestine" is now banned from political discourse unless you're being deliberately ironic.
Palestinians are not responsible for anything the President of Iran says.
Stop coming up with conspiracy theories. Don't you have enough to worry about without making shit up?
No, I don't hate myself. I probably hate you, though.
If you've prefaced your statement with "I think we can all agree..." I probably don't agree with what you're about to say.
Supporters of a secular, democratic, one-state solution do not believe that Israelis should be sent back to Europe. Therefore, telling me to go back to Europe since Canada is on First Nations' land is not a very effective argument.
This is official notice that Jonathan Jaffit is kicked out of the Tribe. But he should never be banned from campus events because he makes them far more entertaining than they otherwise would be.
Anyone have anything else to add? I have a feeling I'm leaving stuff out.
Truly Off-Topic
Have you read Neil Gaiman and Dave McKean's Violent Cases yet? And you haven't told me if you are interested in Howard Cruise's Stuck Rubber Baby. I sent you an email about it - it has an intro written by Tony Kushner(!)
Thus far, the following books are in the box:
1) All your stuff, except The Master and the Margarita which I haven't finished yet.
2) David Boswell's ultimate "Fire your Boss" comic, Reid Fleming: World's Toughest Milkman. The title is the premise. Lots of sabotage and property destruction by both labor and management. The company CEO, may remind you of Binkus. It's drawn in a B&W cross hatch style with a 1930 feel which compliments its Marx Brothers / Three Stooges sensibilities. Don't let that scare you - trust me: It's funny.
3) Alan Moore's hilarious Top Ten (the actual Alan Moore written issues, not the new guy that sucks). I imagine you read a great deal of cop-negative literature and this may balance it out. Think of it as reading the enemy. The premise is the world has sent all of it's super-powered beings to live in one city and that city needs a police force. Imagine The Watchmen crossed with Hill Street Blues only funny. One character sports the kitty cat Jolly Roger you signed your last note with on his chest. The first two issues / chapters establish place and character. Things get going in three and if you are not addicted and in stitches by six, you are not really Rachel.
4) Welcome to the Zone, another David Chelsea comic about communist folksingers and performance artists in a version of NYC inhabited by space aliens, mutants and undead skeletons. This one is short because it is done entirely in his pointillism style.
5) A bunch of Kyle Baker books: The Cowboy Wally Show, Why I Hate Saturn, You Are Here and Undercover Genie In addition, I'm including Baker's collaboration with Boondocks creator Aaron McGruger: Birth of a Nation: A Comic Novel. In it, the residents of predominantly black East St. Louis secede from the U.S. after another 2000-style disenfranchisement stunt.
Comments?
Re: Truly Off-Topic
Squee!
Have you read Neil Gaiman and Dave McKean's Violent Cases yet? And you haven't told me if you are interested in Howard Cruise's Stuck Rubber Baby. I sent you an email about it - it has an intro written by Tony Kushner(!)
I haven't read either, so by all means send.
Re: Truly Off-Topic
Those two books I was asking about are the only potentially depressing ones in the lot - everything else is comedy.
Also, Firefly (above)
It does have a border. Yours needs a border.
I'm in an unusually good mood lately (despite the Ranty McRantypants) so depressing comics should be okay.
Re: It does have a border. Yours needs a border.
And the boss in Why I Hate Saturn could be Binkus too. I've never met Binkus, so all I know of are bits of Binkusness that you have passed on. Is he fat and bald? Bearded or not?
Re: It does have a border. Yours needs a border.
Discussion of Binkus in detail probably ought to be limited to locked posts. ;)
Re: It does have a border. Yours needs a border.
It would be perfect for my others, but this one needs a line as fat as those around the characters' faces and maybe slightly scraggly.
You shouldn't have told me you are in a good mood: Now I'm taking advantage of it ;)
Re: It does have a border. Yours needs a border.
I'm mainly in a good mood 'cause I had an extended lunch break with a friend this afternoon. My good mood will dissipate the moment I realize that it means I'll have to stay later to get all my work done.
Re: It does have a border. Yours needs a border.
That will do fine, thanks!
My good mood will dissipate the moment I realize that it means I'll have to stay later to get all my work done.
I won't tell.