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Rant time
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ridemycamel has requested the following:
Unrelated, but I want you to rant about any aspect of the Palestinian conflict and your involvement as a Jew demon in human form. Bitch about Palestinians, Israelis, other Jews, whites, etc. You can direct it anyway you want, and of course, bonus points if you use racial slurs.
'Cause I haven't ranted about that, ever. Oy. Actually, I suppose I haven't ranted on it for awhile, since it has a tendency to not change very much, despite what the media seems to think. But we just had Israeli Apartheid Week here in Hogtown, so the timing's good. The aspect I'm going to rant on specifically is the Palestinian-Israeli debate on campus, since that's where I was all last week.
The following rules are now in effect:
Before bringing up suicide bombing in an argument, you are now obligated to explain why it's automatically worse than any other sort of bombing. Make the explanation good.
When someone's giving a lecture and you want to take issue with what he or she says, wait for the Q&A session. Why don't people understand that?
"Accredited media" means "accredited media," not "some schmuck with a video camera." If someone doesn't want to be videotaped, it's polite to not videotape them. Also, no one actually believes that you're making an independent documentary.
"Questions" mean exactly that, not "long-winded statements describing in detail how your party is going to solve the conflict." STFU.
The latest atrocity is not "the worst [blank] ever." Newsflash: It probably isn't, and it's all a matter of perspective anyway. I don't care if Desmond Tutu says that Israeli apartheid is worse than South African apartheid; it's bad political rhetoric to rank your suffering in comparison with someone else's. Your situation is dire enough without exaggeration.
Zionists are no longer allowed to tell pro-Palestinian and/or anti-Zionist Jews: "You should be ashamed of yourself." Wow, no one's ever told me that before. I'm now totally ashamed of myself. I think what convinced me this time was how you shouted it in my ear. Asshat.
White people must now pass an IQ test before being issued keffiyehs.
The only person who's allowed to call me a kike isbrownfist. No, I don't care if you called yourself a kike first.
The phrase "a secure Israel and a democratic Palestine" is now banned from political discourse unless you're being deliberately ironic.
Palestinians are not responsible for anything the President of Iran says.
Stop coming up with conspiracy theories. Don't you have enough to worry about without making shit up?
No, I don't hate myself. I probably hate you, though.
If you've prefaced your statement with "I think we can all agree..." I probably don't agree with what you're about to say.
Supporters of a secular, democratic, one-state solution do not believe that Israelis should be sent back to Europe. Therefore, telling me to go back to Europe since Canada is on First Nations' land is not a very effective argument.
This is official notice that Jonathan Jaffit is kicked out of the Tribe. But he should never be banned from campus events because he makes them far more entertaining than they otherwise would be.
Anyone have anything else to add? I have a feeling I'm leaving stuff out.
ridemycamel has requested the following:Unrelated, but I want you to rant about any aspect of the Palestinian conflict and your involvement as a Jew demon in human form. Bitch about Palestinians, Israelis, other Jews, whites, etc. You can direct it anyway you want, and of course, bonus points if you use racial slurs.
'Cause I haven't ranted about that, ever. Oy. Actually, I suppose I haven't ranted on it for awhile, since it has a tendency to not change very much, despite what the media seems to think. But we just had Israeli Apartheid Week here in Hogtown, so the timing's good. The aspect I'm going to rant on specifically is the Palestinian-Israeli debate on campus, since that's where I was all last week.
The following rules are now in effect:
Before bringing up suicide bombing in an argument, you are now obligated to explain why it's automatically worse than any other sort of bombing. Make the explanation good.
When someone's giving a lecture and you want to take issue with what he or she says, wait for the Q&A session. Why don't people understand that?
"Accredited media" means "accredited media," not "some schmuck with a video camera." If someone doesn't want to be videotaped, it's polite to not videotape them. Also, no one actually believes that you're making an independent documentary.
"Questions" mean exactly that, not "long-winded statements describing in detail how your party is going to solve the conflict." STFU.
The latest atrocity is not "the worst [blank] ever." Newsflash: It probably isn't, and it's all a matter of perspective anyway. I don't care if Desmond Tutu says that Israeli apartheid is worse than South African apartheid; it's bad political rhetoric to rank your suffering in comparison with someone else's. Your situation is dire enough without exaggeration.
Zionists are no longer allowed to tell pro-Palestinian and/or anti-Zionist Jews: "You should be ashamed of yourself." Wow, no one's ever told me that before. I'm now totally ashamed of myself. I think what convinced me this time was how you shouted it in my ear. Asshat.
White people must now pass an IQ test before being issued keffiyehs.
The only person who's allowed to call me a kike is
brownfist. No, I don't care if you called yourself a kike first.The phrase "a secure Israel and a democratic Palestine" is now banned from political discourse unless you're being deliberately ironic.
Palestinians are not responsible for anything the President of Iran says.
Stop coming up with conspiracy theories. Don't you have enough to worry about without making shit up?
No, I don't hate myself. I probably hate you, though.
If you've prefaced your statement with "I think we can all agree..." I probably don't agree with what you're about to say.
Supporters of a secular, democratic, one-state solution do not believe that Israelis should be sent back to Europe. Therefore, telling me to go back to Europe since Canada is on First Nations' land is not a very effective argument.
This is official notice that Jonathan Jaffit is kicked out of the Tribe. But he should never be banned from campus events because he makes them far more entertaining than they otherwise would be.
Anyone have anything else to add? I have a feeling I'm leaving stuff out.
no subject
I dont agree necessarily. Some Palestinians want to push Israelis into the sea, "pushing into the sea" being a metaphor for something ickier. There are a lot of people there that are suffering and stupid (like anywhere else! sorry, lots of people just are kinda dim. everywhere.) You think suffering doesnt make you cruel? Look at children that have been beaten by their parents. Let's stop imagining that Palestinians are some saintly nation. They're PEOPLE. Like ANYONE ELSE. A huge amount of them have been through completely inhumane circumstances for years. That has effects and they're not pretty. Maybe if they stop being trampled on it will be less, two minutes years decades who the hell knows. But Palestinians are not a monolith, and there are places that are like dirty little cut off corners, where you dont hear what goes on there except when the army invades and kills or someone escapes and kills, and if you think that Ramallah politico opinions or charismatic Hamas spokespeople define "the Palestinians", maybe on a superficial level, some basic common denominator, but spurts of violence tell another part of the story.
Every person I know that lived in Nablus has heard people talking about wanting/wishing to kill all the Jews. Children, rich children, sad men in Balata camp, people. The way you wish for a beautiful mansion for your mother, not in the sense that you're going to do it.
I was arguing with someone about this, and he said, "but wouldnt someone who has lived through the Holocaust feel the same way? or someone living during the Holocaust, in a concentration camp?" I was angry at the time, but re-recalling what he wrote, it is a valid psychological comparison in a lot of ways.
(Israelis are the same, in terms of diversity and range of ugly to enlightened in opinion. I mean there are plenty of Israelis that really believe Palestinians should be killed. There are plenty that think lovely things about ending the occupation and whatnot. I just want to make it clear I'm not putting one side out to be monsters and not the other. And- just for saying's sake- I'm pointing out one part of what I saw living there, because the absence of that aspect was presented was presented in a definitive manner. The side that I mentioned is also not definitive. But it does exist. It sucks to accept that. But can you really have love for people if you don't truly accept them, good and bad? Knowing that some Palestinians think terrible things doesnt change their cause. It just means they're human.)
(that got super heavy. especially in response to what seemed to be a jokey post by you. what i really wanted to write was- as follows--)
But double-ha, and points for style,
and "Just fucking stop it!" is always true. As is the last sentence.