This is so going in my classroom

[sabotabby]

DID I MISS ANYTHING?
Tom Wayman
From: The Astonishing Weight of the Dead. Vancouver: Polestar, 1994.
Question frequently asked by
students after missing a class

Nothing. When we realized you weren't here
we sat with our hands folded on our desks
in silence, for the full two hours

Everything. I gave an exam worth
40 per cent of the grade for this term
and assigned some reading due today
on which I'm about to hand out a quiz
worth 50 per cent

Nothing. None of the content of this course
has value or meaning
Take as many days off as you like:
any activities we undertake as a class
I assure you will not matter either to you or me
and are without purpose

Everything. A few minutes after we began last time
a shaft of light descended and an angel
or other heavenly being appeared
and revealed to us what each woman or man must do
to attain divine wisdom in this life and
the hereafter
This is the last time the class will meet
before we disperse to bring this good news to all people

on earth

Nothing. When you are not present
how could something significant occur?

Everything. Contained in this classroom
is a microcosm of human existence
assembled for you to query and examine and ponder
This is not the only place such an opportunity has been

gathered

but it was one place

And you weren't here

Comments

[marnanel.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you so much! I have loved this long since and lost it awhile.

[sabotabby]

:) I only became aware of it today. Where has it been all my life?

[marnanel.livejournal.com]

In my head, it's bracketed with this one. Obviously North Americans should read "eraser" for "rubber".

Please Mrs Butler
Allan Ahlberg

Please Mrs Butler,
This boy Derek Drew
Keeps copying my work, Miss.
What shall I do?

Go and sit in the hall, dear.
Go and sit in the sink.
Take your books on the roof, my lamb.
Do whatever you think.

Please Mrs Butler,
This boy Derek Drew
Keeps taking my rubber, Miss.
What shall I do?

Keep it in your hand, dear.
Hide it up your vest.
Swallow it if you like, love.
Do what you think best.

Please Mrs Butler,
This boy Derek Drew
Keeps calling me rude names, Miss.
What shall I do?

Lock yourself in the cupboard, dear.
Run away to sea.
Do whatever you can, my flower.
But don't ask me!

[sabotabby]

Yes, "This boy Derek Drew / Keeps taking my rubber" reads rather differently here.

[franklanguage.livejournal.com]

Actually, they give out rubbers in most schools nowadays.

[goodliver.livejournal.com]

Worth memorizing.

[radiumhead.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Maybe "WHAT did i miss wouldve gotten a less snarky response."

[sabotabby]

You'd be surprised at how rarely the latter gets asked compared to the former.

[ironed_orchid]

That's great

[sabotabby]

I <3 it.

[kryss-labryn.livejournal.com]

In college, we had one teacher who, when he knew there was a big party we'd all been to the evening before (it being a theatre class we'd often all be at the same thing together), especially with our class being a morning class, would make a point of telling us one thing that absolutely was guaranteed to be on the final exam, to reward the handful of us of us who dragged our asses to class despite our massive hangovers. And then usually, about halfway through our two-hour class, he'd send us all home, he often also having been at the parties and thus also massively hung over.

College is awesome.

[sabotabby]

I do the former thing a lot, but the kids don't care. For most of them, exams are a thing that happen in the misty distant future and they don't need to worry until the night before.