in lieu of joining note_to_cat

[sabotabby]

Dear cats,

House centipedes are useful. They eat other, less pleasant bugs. That doesn't change the fact that I am totally petrified of them. Accordingly:

• Feel free to eat the centipedes. Just not all of the centipedes.

• Please do not, however, play with the centipedes and then let them go. I don't want to be finding half-centipedes crawling around, 'cause eww.

• Along the same lines, when you've killed a centipede, please eat it rather than leave it as a present for me.

I know now that you're both mighty hunters, as I saw you playing with a centipede last night. In fact, you kept me up for some time while you caught it, let it go, let the other cat catch it, let it go again, put it in your mouth, rinse, lather, and repeat. I would appreciate if you arranged it so that I didn't actually have to see the spectacle, or the dismembered results.

Thank you for your consideration in this matter.

Sincerely,

sabotabby

Comments

[zingerella.livejournal.com]

Dear Sabotabby,

We love you! We will protect you from all many-legged crawly things! Unless we get bored of them, first, that is.

We do not like the taste of the house centipedes. Besides, how would you know we loved you if we didn't bring our prey to you? And how would you know what clever, cunning, sadistic little carnivores we are if we didn't show you how we can make the buggses skitter?

We like it when the bugses skitter. It amuses us.

You're always saying we should play nicely together. We wanted to show you that we know how! Now you are telling us not to play in front of you. Bad parents send mixed messages, you know.

Anyway, we're going to ignore you, because we're cats, and that's what we do. Also because you haven't proffered any kittytreats or shot us with a water pistol.

And your bed is the bestest stashing place for dead things ever! Because you find them, and make amusing noises. The other monkey never looks under her bed, unless she needs a sweater. (And she's very annoyingly encased the sweaters in icky plastic stuff so that we can't shed on them and they don't make comfy kitty beds. She is a meanie.)

We are mighty hunters! And sadistic torturers! And loyal companions adorable, furry friends who want you to know just how we love and adore you*!

Signed,

Luna and Marinetti



* So keep the kittytreats coming, minion!

[sabotabby]

I'm surprised that they don't demand tuna.

[zingerella.livejournal.com]

Luna doesn't like tuna.

[sabotabby]

Neither does Marinetti. They are odd cats.

[rohmie.livejournal.com]

That sounds like a fine name for a song or a band. For the song, it should be "Luna don't like tuna." Maybe give it a country-western treatment. For the band name, it should be "Luna likes tuna" which is a lie but sounds better.