Battle In Seattle, Part I

By request of constintina (and face it, because I kind of wanted to), I watched Battle In Seattle so you don’t have to. And kids, you don’t really want to. Trust me on this one; it’s incredibly boring. If you’ve watched riot porn before, you’ve seen better, and it wasn’t interspersed with craptacular acting. If you’ve never watched riot porn (go on, admit it), do yourself a favour and rent This Is What Democracy Looks Like or something. This is just softcore riot porn.

In November 1999, I was involved in the anti-globalization (how I despise that term) *cough*movement*cough*. I was not in Seattle for the protests, though by sheer coincidence I was there a few weeks after visiting my friend and being accosted by prowling lawyers who took one look at my punk rock ass and thought that I might want to sue the city. Looking back, it was an odd time. It seemed that globalized resistance was truly on the rise, that we had the state and the multinational corporations alike on the defensive, and that change was possible. Obviously this was a naïve view, and less than two years later, September 11 would bring any sort of forward momentum in the Global North to a screeching halt. We also had a patronizing view of resistance movements in the Global South, not to mention a poor class analysis even within our own ranks, and what the hell, you’re reading this for scathing mockery of a terrible movie, not my analysis on what went wrong. But my point here, I guess, is to question why this movie was even made at all. The Battle of Seattle was a blip on the radar in terms of the history of activism, and a tactical dead end for the most part. Nor are mass protests in and of themselves particularly good material for filmmaking—they’re crowded, confusing, and even the most intelligent people tend to dumb it down to the point where they sound like utter morons. I don’t think that a good movie about the protests would be impossible, but it’s very unlikely, and Battle in Seattle sure as hell isn’t it.

Quite often when I watch crappy movies, it’s me and the cats in the solitude of my room, but fortunately for my sanity, this time around I had the lovely zingerella and captainmushroom suffering right along with me. I dedicate this review to them.

( ain't no power like the power of the infodump 'cause the power of the infodump don't stop )

Stay tuned for the next installment, wherein Django is a furry.

Battle In Seattle, Part I

By request of constintina (and face it, because I kind of wanted to), I watched Battle In Seattle so you don’t have to. And kids, you don’t really want to. Trust me on this one; it’s incredibly boring. If you’ve watched riot porn before, you’ve seen better, and it wasn’t interspersed with craptacular acting. If you’ve never watched riot porn (go on, admit it), do yourself a favour and rent This Is What Democracy Looks Like or something. This is just softcore riot porn.

In November 1999, I was involved in the anti-globalization (how I despise that term) *cough*movement*cough*. I was not in Seattle for the protests, though by sheer coincidence I was there a few weeks after visiting my friend and being accosted by prowling lawyers who took one look at my punk rock ass and thought that I might want to sue the city. Looking back, it was an odd time. It seemed that globalized resistance was truly on the rise, that we had the state and the multinational corporations alike on the defensive, and that change was possible. Obviously this was a naïve view, and less than two years later, September 11 would bring any sort of forward momentum in the Global North to a screeching halt. We also had a patronizing view of resistance movements in the Global South, not to mention a poor class analysis even within our own ranks, and what the hell, you’re reading this for scathing mockery of a terrible movie, not my analysis on what went wrong. But my point here, I guess, is to question why this movie was even made at all. The Battle of Seattle was a blip on the radar in terms of the history of activism, and a tactical dead end for the most part. Nor are mass protests in and of themselves particularly good material for filmmaking—they’re crowded, confusing, and even the most intelligent people tend to dumb it down to the point where they sound like utter morons. I don’t think that a good movie about the protests would be impossible, but it’s very unlikely, and Battle in Seattle sure as hell isn’t it.

Quite often when I watch crappy movies, it’s me and the cats in the solitude of my room, but fortunately for my sanity, this time around I had the lovely zingerella and captainmushroom suffering right along with me. I dedicate this review to them.

( ain't no power like the power of the infodump 'cause the power of the infodump don't stop )

Stay tuned for the next installment, wherein Django is a furry.

Battle In Seattle, Part II

Last time on Battle in Seattle, it took like half the movie to introduce all of the characters and explain what the WTO was. And they did it with all the subtlety of Monsanto fucking up a Mexican farmworker. Oh, and a bunch of hippies blocked the WTO delegates from getting to the Paramount Theater.

( What do we want? YIFF YIFF! When do we want it? Now! )

Next up: Jay makes the greatest of sacrifices.

Battle In Seattle, Part II

Last time on Battle in Seattle, it took like half the movie to introduce all of the characters and explain what the WTO was. And they did it with all the subtlety of Monsanto fucking up a Mexican farmworker. Oh, and a bunch of hippies blocked the WTO delegates from getting to the Paramount Theater.

( What do we want? YIFF YIFF! When do we want it? Now! )

Next up: Jay makes the greatest of sacrifices.