Toronto mayoral elections

It scares the everloving shit out of me that this man could be our next mayor.

No, not because he's a criminal (though he is). I think pot should be legal and I think DUI should be punished far more harshly than it is. The latter, combined with Ford's stance on cycling*, is particularly toxic. We wouldn't allow an inebriated guy with a habit of drunkenly wandering around and firing off a gun to keep the weapon, let alone run our city. (Or maybe we would. Toronto voters amaze me with their ability to be taken in by the most transparent of hucksters.)

No, it scares me because he's a racist and a homophobe and a buffoon who hates everything that makes this city great. But most Hogtowners are self-hating, so if he loses the election because he used to be a pothead, I'm cool with that too. They nabbed Capone over tax evasion and all that.

*"I can't support bike lanes. Roads are built for buses, cars, and trucks. My heart bleeds when someone gets killed, but it's their own fault at the end of the day." Source.

Overton Window: Chapter 7-9

Chapter 7

Noah takes forever to get where he’s going, and spontaneously regrets his evil ways.

Glenn Beck hates PR guys. I get it. I think it’s misguided, given what he does for a living, but whatever. You don’t want me to recap that bit. At the end of the chapter he arrives at the meeting—finally. I really don’t want to read more of Noah’s internal monologuing. It’s like swimming through a sewer. Anyway, he arrives at a redneck bar (in New York City!) intent on teabagging with Molly. He finds it a little bit more crowded than he expected.

Where did the sniper from the prologue go? I’m thinking he’d be useful right about now.

Chapter 8

There are apparently BLACK PEOPLE at the teabagger meeting. See? Glenn Beck isn’t a racist. No Mexicans or Arabs, though.

Anyway, inside the redneck bar, it’s apparently Woodstock, with 60s folk songs and hat-tips to MLK and Gandhi. Can’t wingnuts get their own asinine subculture? Molly’s there, and she’s suddenly nice to him. Noah gets a sweatshirt. And that is all that happens in the chapter.

Chapter 9

Hahahaha, someone’s smoking pot. I mean, besides the author.

To make this book even more boring as shit, Beck throws in a love triangle. Meet Danny Bailey, who has the advantage of actually knowing Molly as opposed to merely ogling her non-deformed body. So, of course, we know they won’t end up together. He’s a sleazeball with highlights and spiky hair. I’m picturing a fake tan, but it might be because Noah also is mentioned as being “between tans.” So these guys are all from the Jersey Shore, apparently.



Noah and Danny exchange douchy barbs—Danny is famous on the internets, and Noah, despite working in PR, does not know about the internet—and then Danny fucks off somewhere. Danny might actually be more of a douche than Noah, but at least he’s not the viewpoint character.

Noah and Molly play a game of truth or dare without the dare part. Noah randomly accuses some guy of being an infiltrator, and Molly eHarmonies that she can “sometimes be a little impulsive.”

Time for a bet. If you have the PDF, no peeking!

[Poll #1608326]

Conspiracy count: 5.5