sabotabby | The projected timeline (Reply)

resonant put me in mind of an important point, which is how closely the Cheeto Benito parallels our own Honourable Wifebeater, Rob Ford. Which had me thinking about timelines. There is a fundamental difference between a competent reactionary and a wildly out-of-control narcissist, and I really believe that the Tangerine Rapeclown falls into the latter category.

So here is my projected timeline for the major phases of the Trump Administration, written here with all of the scientific rigour and accuracy of a Nate Silver poll.

Year One: Trump is allowed to rampage unmolested*. He sells off what is left of America's public assets to the lowest bidder—well, maybe the highest, depending on how closely he is related to them. The media cannot respond, because they have no framework for this. Any genuinely populist moves are blocked by the party apparatus, whereas reactionary legislation, particularly if it targets women, people of colour, trans people, or poor people, gets rubber-stamped. Towards the end of the first year, rumours of a scandal—a really serious one, more serious than Russia or golden showers or raping teenagers—is uncovered, mainly by the non-serious press.**

Year Two: The Year of the Breakdown. Trump's further actions are stalled by a hostile party establishment, and Mike Pence takes over as the de facto president. Expect at least one hospitalization or arrest, though charges are not laid. You will almost certainly see Trump's dick by the end of the year, either via still photography or, more likely, video.

🍆 you're 🍆 welcome 🍆 sweet 🍆 dreams 🍆

Year Three: I expect that he will die. Not, I should note, as the result of foul play or revolution, but these big loud guys tend to not live very long. Heart failure, exacerbated by the stresses of the job and the staggering quantities of Colombia's finest going up his nose. Pence is sworn in as president. Tearful eulogies, in which his good points are stressed at the expense of all actual reality.

Year Four, and thereafter: Get ready for the era of Trumpism Without Trump. Understand that the sole purpose of allowing a creature like this to be elected is to allow the next guy, who looks less like a clown and has policy objectives, to look reasonable by comparison. You will not get your country back. You never had your country.

Sorry about this but I'm probably right.

* Unlike all the women in his life, amirite?
** Think Buzzfeed or, before Peter Thiel showed his commitment to FREEZED PEACH, Gawker