Rambo III, Part III
Jul. 29th, 2008 01:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sabotabbyStill with me? The previous parts are here and here.
Okay, so we've passed the set-up and the introductions. Now it's time for a dead sheep.
A really hot (and strangely clean-shaven) mujahadeen invites Rambo to join the locals in a game of dead-sheep-football. And you know, when I started my blogging career, I would never have imagined that I would one day have to type that sentence. I do it for you, my readers. I do it all for you.
Rambo almost wins at Buzkashi, despite having never played it before, because the rule in these sorts of movies is that a white guy can automatically win any game usually played by brown people.
Fortunately, the Soviets arrive to disrupt this annoying and condescending scene by blowing the fuck out of it.
Okay, that was kind of cool. It's Sheep-Throwing Mujahadeen Guy by a nose!
Yuri, we hardly knew ya. Why was he even in this movie?
Rambo runs around and shouts for everyone to take cover. Given that he’s surrounded by fierce and noble holy warriors, you might think that this is a little patronizing. However, these are the least effective bunch of insurgents you’ve seen since the last Rambo movie, where the Vietcong are completely incapable of ever looking up.
Case in point: They abandoned their anti-aircraft machine gun thingie.
Anyway, their ineffectiveness results in most of them running around screaming and getting killed. Only Rambo gets some good shots in. But the Russians basically obliterate the village and then take off.
Rambo listens to the Cure’s “Disintegration.” Admit it, you do too.
Mujahadeen Guy: “In war, there should be honour. There is no honour here. You’re a good friend, and I’m sure you people from the free world would never do anything dishonourable like invading an already suffering nation, bombing it from the air, and paying local warlords to kidnap people for you to imprison in illegal jails.”
Rambo: “…”
The Littlest Taliban: “It is can it be infiltrating Russian prison tiem nao?”
Rambo: “You cannot has.”
The Littlest Taliban: “NOOOES!”
Mousa: “Hey, I’m all for pwning the Russians, but why are you doing this?”
Rambo: “He’d do it for me.”
Mousa: “Um, didn’t he completely betray you in the last two movies?”
Rambo: “I can’t hear you! FLAG FLAG FLAG.”
Cutest. Child soldier. Ever.
Soviets, like the Vietcong, never look up.
Helpful Hint: When you’re trying to infiltrate an enemy base, the best way in is probably by grabbing on to the bottom of a tank and just rollin’ on in. No one ever sees that coming.
Wait, WTF?
Rambo: “Colonel?”
Trautman: “John?”
They make out.
It’s explosive.
OH NOES LITTLEST TALIBAN!
Rambo gets shrapnelled. Why, what did you think they were doing in this scene?
Fortunately, Rambo is not the sort of guy who is bothered by a large piece of wood impaling his torso, as he manages to leap over the flaming ruins of the Soviet prison, carrying an AK-47 in one hand and the Littlest Taliban in the other.
They flee into the sewers, because staph infections roxx0rz.
Rambo decides to screw the whole holy war thing and just hold a rave.
Rambo procures an RPG from a convenient, if random, mujahadeen who just happens to be stopping by and then gets killed. No, I don’t get it either, but we’re hardly going to have a Rambo movie with no RPG in it, are we?
The Russian prison blows up good, miraculously—as you’ll see later—without harming any of the prisoners inside.
Zaysen is all pissed because Rambo tried to blow up his base. Ladies and gentlemen, we have some actual dialogue again!
Zaysen: “Are you insane? One man against three commandos? Who do you think this man is, God?”
Say it with me, kids: “God would have mercy . He won’t.”
Trautman is such a fanboy.
Up next: The final installment, including one of the grossest things I've seen in a mainstream movie. Yes, worse than the dead sheep.
Okay, so we've passed the set-up and the introductions. Now it's time for a dead sheep.
A really hot (and strangely clean-shaven) mujahadeen invites Rambo to join the locals in a game of dead-sheep-football. And you know, when I started my blogging career, I would never have imagined that I would one day have to type that sentence. I do it for you, my readers. I do it all for you.
Rambo almost wins at Buzkashi, despite having never played it before, because the rule in these sorts of movies is that a white guy can automatically win any game usually played by brown people.
Fortunately, the Soviets arrive to disrupt this annoying and condescending scene by blowing the fuck out of it.
Okay, that was kind of cool. It's Sheep-Throwing Mujahadeen Guy by a nose!
Yuri, we hardly knew ya. Why was he even in this movie?
Rambo runs around and shouts for everyone to take cover. Given that he’s surrounded by fierce and noble holy warriors, you might think that this is a little patronizing. However, these are the least effective bunch of insurgents you’ve seen since the last Rambo movie, where the Vietcong are completely incapable of ever looking up.
Case in point: They abandoned their anti-aircraft machine gun thingie.
Anyway, their ineffectiveness results in most of them running around screaming and getting killed. Only Rambo gets some good shots in. But the Russians basically obliterate the village and then take off.
Rambo listens to the Cure’s “Disintegration.” Admit it, you do too.
Mujahadeen Guy: “In war, there should be honour. There is no honour here. You’re a good friend, and I’m sure you people from the free world would never do anything dishonourable like invading an already suffering nation, bombing it from the air, and paying local warlords to kidnap people for you to imprison in illegal jails.”
Rambo: “…”
The Littlest Taliban: “It is can it be infiltrating Russian prison tiem nao?”
Rambo: “You cannot has.”
The Littlest Taliban: “NOOOES!”
Mousa: “Hey, I’m all for pwning the Russians, but why are you doing this?”
Rambo: “He’d do it for me.”
Mousa: “Um, didn’t he completely betray you in the last two movies?”
Rambo: “I can’t hear you! FLAG FLAG FLAG.”
Cutest. Child soldier. Ever.
Soviets, like the Vietcong, never look up.
Helpful Hint: When you’re trying to infiltrate an enemy base, the best way in is probably by grabbing on to the bottom of a tank and just rollin’ on in. No one ever sees that coming.
Wait, WTF?
Rambo: “Colonel?”
Trautman: “John?”
They make out.
It’s explosive.
OH NOES LITTLEST TALIBAN!
Rambo gets shrapnelled. Why, what did you think they were doing in this scene?
Fortunately, Rambo is not the sort of guy who is bothered by a large piece of wood impaling his torso, as he manages to leap over the flaming ruins of the Soviet prison, carrying an AK-47 in one hand and the Littlest Taliban in the other.
They flee into the sewers, because staph infections roxx0rz.
Rambo decides to screw the whole holy war thing and just hold a rave.
Rambo procures an RPG from a convenient, if random, mujahadeen who just happens to be stopping by and then gets killed. No, I don’t get it either, but we’re hardly going to have a Rambo movie with no RPG in it, are we?
The Russian prison blows up good, miraculously—as you’ll see later—without harming any of the prisoners inside.
Zaysen is all pissed because Rambo tried to blow up his base. Ladies and gentlemen, we have some actual dialogue again!
Zaysen: “Are you insane? One man against three commandos? Who do you think this man is, God?”
Say it with me, kids: “God would have mercy . He won’t.”
Trautman is such a fanboy.
Up next: The final installment, including one of the grossest things I've seen in a mainstream movie. Yes, worse than the dead sheep.
