Failcats

[sabotabby]

zingerella has been baking cookies all day. Since he finished off his breakfast, Marinetti has also been in the kitchen all day. He has been staring mournfully at zingerella, wondering why she is only making monkey food and not feeding him. Every so often, he lets out a pitiful mewl—not even a complete meow, but a pathetic chirp, as though his starving body cannot summon the strength to actually complain. zingerella knows perfectly well that he has had enough to eat, but she nevertheless feels a twinge of guilt.

I return home after lunch out to this woeful sight. It is not time to feed the cats. It is not even close to time to feed the cats. But Marinetti is staring up at me with doleful eyes, wondering if this is some sort of secret monkey conspiracy to deny him sustenance.

I pick him up and give him snuggles. He purrs, then starts with the sad little half-meows again.

We've been having some mouse problems lately, so I open the cupboard door. "Make your own food," I tell him. He glowers resentfully.

I begin to think, not for the first time, that my cat is a failcat. He resumes his vigil by his empty bowl, gazing up at me with a look of pure sadness.

In case you don't have a mental image, Marinetti basically looks like a large, fuzzy sphere, with another smaller sphere for a head. He has a gelatinous consistency. It is time for the cat to get some damned exercise.

This calls for extreme measures. I take out the bag of Feline Greenies—crack for cats, basically. "Okay," I say, "You're getting treats, but you need to work for it a bit."

Luna, meanwhile, hears the rustling of the bag, and bounds in, eager for her next fix.

I take out a Greenie and toss it across the hallway. Luna goes running after it and claims her cracktastic prize. Marinetti just sits there, looking baffled.

"The next one's for you." Taking pity on him, I toss it a little closer. He watches it sail over his head, then watches as Luna runs after it and pounces. He is deeply confused as to why his treats have suddenly developed flight capabilities, and also why are they not in his mouth?



This happens several more times, until zingerella has to pause in her baking owing to convulsive laughter.

Finally, I give up and put a Greenie directly in his mouth. He accepts this. Then he continues being a failcat of woe.

For the record, Luna is not any better, except that instead of seeking food, she is desperate for constant attention and is acting deeply dismayed every time someone is standing up instead of letting her sit in their laps. She is making much louder, whinier noises that are no less sad than Marinetti's.

Conclusion: Neither of the cats are capable of managing remotely dignified feline behaviour.

Postscript: Dinner finally rolled around. Cats got fed. Marinetti scarfed his down in approximately one gulp and is now sad again.

Comments

[ironed_orchid]

"Why do you do this?"

I lolled.

Poor Marinetti.

I sometime throw food to Jaz, and he swats it, but doesn't eat it. Fail.

[lienne.livejournal.com]

ilu

[xturtle.livejournal.com]

I love you.

[corwin77.livejournal.com]

That picture is much win. In fact I woulf go so far as to say it is FULL of win.

[calapine.livejournal.com]

Oh, cats. I may have loled.

[seanmonster.livejournal.com]

Silly monkey. Once again you have fallen for their wily ways.

[mad-bertha.livejournal.com]

He no fail cat, he SMART cat!

[mad-bertha.livejournal.com]

He no fail cat, he SMART cat!

[snarkitysnarks.livejournal.com]

Ahahahaha...hahaha. Sad cat of sad. That is the clostest approximation of D: face I have ever seen.

[zingerella.livejournal.com]

To be fair to Marinetti, once dinnertime rolled around and I actually fed him, he did not devour the entire bowl of kibble in one gulp. He nibbled a couple of mouthfuls. Then he wandered away for a moment or two, wandered back and nibbled some more kibble.

Now, of course, all the kibble is gone.

[ginny-t.livejournal.com]

Heh. Cats rarely have the dignity they're reputed to have. Daisy is like Luna and is convinced that I am her pillow. She gets vexed when her pillow moves around too much. Small fuzzy fiend.

[numb3r-5ev3n.livejournal.com]

Dani Glider is like this. Every time I open the reptarium, she stares up at me like, "MOMMY WHAT DID YOU BRING ME?" When I put down healthy treats, she'll come up, sniff it, and scamper away as if to say, 'THIS OFFERING DOES NOT MEET WITH MY APPROVAL.'

Around dinner time (gliders do seem to be conscious of time) she will climb to the top of the sleeping pouch while Rorshach and Laurie are still sleeping so she can be the first out of the pouch when I put their dinner dish in their rept. She's always the first in the buffet line as a result.

She's chubby, though not as overweight as she used to be, since the vet had me put her on a diet. The vet pointedly looked at Dani and said, "FOOD IS NOT LOVE."

[lokilokust.livejournal.com]

no fascist, not even a fuzzball cat one, can ever truly find satisfaction in life.
TRUE STORY.

[springheel-jack.livejournal.com]

What is it with Greenies.

[thenetwork.livejournal.com]

It's the mint in them. Botanical cousin to 'nip.

[pofflewomp.livejournal.com]

Cuddly pussycats!!!!!!!!!!!

[rohmie.livejournal.com]

You need to draw more.