sabotabby | I made phall!

One of my favourite all-time dishes is the Bristol's Phall of the Empire, which is so spicy that they used to look at you funny if you actually ordered it. It has been known to induce hallucinations, and no, I am not exaggerating. Sadly, it is both not vegan and not as spicy as it used to be (that, or my tolerance has shot way up), so it became necessarily to learn how to make it myself.

I am committed enough to this that I've been growing my own ghost peppers, although they only started ripening today, so this is made using ghost peppers that

sphinctourist brought me. I'm also attempting to save the seeds so that I can have fresh ghost peppers throughout the winter, so we'll see how that goes. Anyone have any advice for me, I'd welcome it.

There are a number of phall recipes floating around on the intertubes, most involving meat, and none of them quite satisfactory. I used this to do the cauliflower part, and adapted this to do the curry itself.

It came out pretty well:

Anyway, the recipe needs considerable adaptation; I'm wondering if it was perhaps translated from another language. Not to mention that looking at multiple phall recipes did not give me an indication of how many peppers to actually use. So here, for future reference (mainly mine, though I'd be super-interested in hearing about anyone else's attempts!), is what I ended up doing.

Crispy Cauliflower
Ingredients
1 - Cauliflower (medium size)
1/5 cup - Rice flour
2-3 tsp - Corn flour
1.5 tsp - Red Chilli powder
2-3 pinches - Turmeric powder
salt as needed
oil for deep frying

Cut the cauliflower into bite-sized pieces.

Boil the pieces in water with salt and turmeric. Turn off the flame, let the pieces stay covered for 10-15 minutes and drain the water completely.

Take the cauliflower pieces in a broad vessel, sprinkle rice flour, corn flour, chilli powder and salt.

Mix well so that the chilli powder coats the cauliflower, else sprinkle a little water to make it stick.

Heat oil in a pan and cook the florets over medium flame until golden brown and crisp.

Serve hot.

Changes/results: First of all, the proportions for this are ridiculous. I just dumped a bunch of rice and corn flour in there, and I think I doubled the spices. Also, I don't have a deep fryer so I just flash-fried it.

It came out pretty tasty if you planned on serving it right away. Next time I do this, I'd probably have dumped it in at the very end of cooking the curry, as it is plenty tasty on its own and the curry gets cooked for so long that the cauliflower just dissolves in it.

IMPORTANT NOTE! Hey fuckers, ghost peppers are hella spicy! 1 million Scoville heat units, making it 400x spicier than tabasco. Do not fucking handle these with your bare hands. Almost everyone who has ever cooked with these has a horror story about intimate relations with their loved ones afterwards, and you do not want this to happen to you. Use gloves, ffs.

Phall
Ingredients

2 blocks firm tofu, cubed
2 cup mixed vegetables (sweet potato, potato, butternut) (I used a bag of small potatoes and whatever mushrooms I had remaining.)
1 cup cauliflower and broccoli (I just used all the cauliflower I made in the last recipe.)
½ cup peas (That is not enough peas.)
2 Tbsp vegetable oil
1 Tbsp vegan margarine
1 tsp whole mustard seeds
1 peeled and finely chopped large onion
3 coarsely chopped scotch bonnet or habaneroes, or 6 bird's eye chillies (I used three ghost peppers, seeded)
1 inch piece of fresh ginger root, peeled and grated (Double it.)
2 peeled and crushed cloves garlic (That is not enough garlic for anything. Quadruple it.)
2 chopped large tomatoes
4 tsp chilli powder (Doubled it.)
1½ Tbsp extra hot curry paste (I couldn't find any, so I used Patak's mild.)
2 Tbsp garam masala powder (Again, double this.)
2 cup water or vegetable stock
Roughly chopped fresh coriander leaves for garnish (Hey recipe, coriander is the seed and cilantro is the plant. Anyway, I ended up just throwing in some ground coriander with the rest of the spices and calling it a day.)

Cooking Instructions

Heat the oil and vegan margarine/butter in a large frying pan over a medium to high heat. Add the whole mustard seeds and fry until they sizzle and crackle, then add the chopped onions and reduce the heat to low. Fry until fragrant, stirring often.

Add the ginger, garlic, and peppers and stir for few minutes.

Add in the tomatoes, tomato paste, (what? The ingredients didn't mention that, so I didn't buy any. It's fine without) chilli powder, extra hot curry paste, garam masala, with a little water or vegetable stock. Stir well and cook for a couple of minutes.

Now add the mixed vegetables, add more water and mix very well. Turn up the heat until the sauce begins to simmer. Leave to simmer for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Add the cauliflower and broccoli, peas and tofu and bring to the boil. Reduce the heat and simmer gently for 5 minutes (add more hot water if the curry becomes too thick).

Garnish with the chopped coriander leaves and serve with rice and your favourite flat bread.

Serves 2 people (Hahaha lol no. Did you notice the "two blocks of tofu" that's the first ingredient. Unless your two people are each three adolescent boys in a trenchcoat, it makes a lot more curry than that, which is good 'cause this is a pain-in-the-ass to make.)

Changes/results: It came out really well! It is about as spicy as the current incarnation of Phall of the Empire, which is to say it packs a kick but won't cause hallucinations. It's at about the upper limit of what I can eat as a main dish with limited starch. You can probably double the ghost peppers if it's a potluck-type situation or you're trying to be really macho.

The big change I'd make is throwing in the cauliflower at the very end instead of at the same time as the peas and tofu.

The best news is that I have enough of it to last a week or two for lunches, because I have no clue what I'm going to bring for lunch now that yogurt is out.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

goodliver.livejournal.com

This inspired me to buy cauliflower. Thanks. It's on my "eat well" list. I love yr food porn.

From:

i'll tell you all my secrets but i'll lie about my past

I made phall!

Style Credit

Active Entries

Expand Cut Tags

Page Summary