Bad apocalyptic Christian graphics!

[sabotabby]

I dropped by all4israel and found a gem!

Ezekiel 33 Graphics has what might possibly be the most hideous array of badly Photoshopped fundy Christian graphics I've seen since the last anti-abortion site upon which I stumbled. Complete with little white jaggedy borders, cheesy script fonts, and spelling mistakes, my cat has shat out more artistic things than are hosted on this site.

So I needed to share the pain.




Nothing "suprises" me anymore. Not even rotating type.


Well, in that case...


I can never tell, being a self-hating Jew and all, but is this anti-semitic?


Apocalypse yay! (Check out the border.)


I'm here to zap you with my Jesus-power.


Ugliest. Jesus. Ever.

This freak even pimps out her his own child on the site. I hope she he realizes that this kid is going to grow up to be a gay liberal and rebel against everything she he holds dear.

"Hi. I'm going to get to go to heaven before you do!"

EDIT: Upon further research, it seems that the creative genius in question is actually a guy. Sorry about that! He also posted some information about his family. I'm sure it's really touching, but I was bored and drunk, so I didn't read it. I did make the following "adjustment" to one of his Photoshopped pictures of his son.

Comments

[sushicake.livejournal.com]

This one's my favorite:

[nouveau-itgirl.livejournal.com]

[aerope4.livejournal.com]

The lion looks like a tobacco-furred reindeer. How appropriate for Christmas!

[sabotabby]

OMGZ AMINAL ABUSE!!!eleventy-one!!!

[ex-melimeli728.livejournal.com]

yeah exactly! i laughed so hard... it looks like someone took their golden retriever and squiggled some stuff on top of it. lord almighty, people are strange. i should be appalled but i keep giggling.

[nouveau-itgirl.livejournal.com]

[sabotabby]

Two can play that game!

[zazuomgwtf.livejournal.com]

that is great!

[sabotabby]

D'you think I should send it to them?

[zazuomgwtf.livejournal.com]

for sure! but you may get banned after that, as if you care!

[sabotabby]

Oh, I'm already banned from all4israel. I meant to the weird Christian site.

[zazuomgwtf.livejournal.com]

yes! go for it!

[sabotabby]

I wonder if they'll like it...

I'll post the response if I get one.

[zazuomgwtf.livejournal.com]

*g*

[bike4fish.livejournal.com]

It's a good thing I wasn't drinking anything when I saw this.

[sabotabby]

Drinking is a SIN!

[bike4fish.livejournal.com]

Nosespraying your laptop screen is a sin.

[nouveau-itgirl.livejournal.com]

[sushicake.livejournal.com]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH

[finding-rowan.livejournal.com]

Bahahahahaha!!! That's beautiful! :D

[gordonzola.livejournal.com]

ha ha ha. I love the #3 "cheeze it, here-comes-the-hand-of-the-Lord" one. instant internet classic.

[sabotabby]

Don't you just want to randomly post it during a flame war?

[genesayssitdown.livejournal.com]

in my travels in the south, i have seen huge signs that say "AMERICA BLESS GOD", as a message against all the "God Bless America" hooplah.

but of course, i don't think they were coming from an angle we would appreciate.

[sabotabby]

Lately around here I've seen "posters" printed off someone's inkjet that say "If Jesus knew what had become of his birthday, he'd wish he'd never been born."

I can't tell if whoever made them is really fundie or really cool. Either way, I laughed.

[zazuomgwtf.livejournal.com]

meeeeeeeeeeeep!

[sabotabby]

::pets the kitten::

[lopukhov.livejournal.com]

um the third graphic (of the Jew) seems...fellatious.

And I have seen an uglier Jesus; it's Jim Caviziel in Passion of the Christ, not that I've watched it or anything*.










*'My' floor of the library has the film books on them (US LC call # PN 1995.9-1998.3), and the other day, I shelved the Passion book, and knowing me, I had to take a peek to see what's inside. Boy was that teh wrong move.

[sabotabby]

Oh, I saw it. You know, I like torture-porn and it still grossed me out.

[lopukhov.livejournal.com]

Did you see it for the sole reason that it was torture-porn? My friend has the hots for Jim Caviziel and I pointed out to her that he played Jesus, and now she wants Jesus, in that way.

been there

[yallabaxna.livejournal.com]

I practically converted to xtianity after seeing Jesus Christ Superstar, that Ted dude is fine. And Judas made betrayal HOT.

Re: been there

[sabotabby]

Yeah, for some reason the idea of Jesus and Judas together gets a lot of people going.

I find Jim Caviziel cute, normally, but the hamburger-meat look was a bit too much, even on him.

el oh el

[yallabaxna.livejournal.com]

you kill me.

[nouveau-itgirl.livejournal.com]

orange duds for duddly

[himy.livejournal.com]

Better get used to wearing orange kid.

Re: orange duds for duddly

[sabotabby]

Is it me, or does the kid look like a convict?

Ow

[fannishnonsense]

Excuse me, I've got to go bleach my eyeballs now.

Re: Ow

[sabotabby]

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Re: Ow

[fannishnonsense]

Oh no, you did. I just can never resist looking. Its like a train wreck or something.

God needs Slim Jims.

[seanmonster.livejournal.com]

In 'Warning', what the hell is that thing in his mouth? Looks like some kinda jerky...

Re: God needs Slim Jims.

[sabotabby]

Presumably, it's a shofar, but that doesn't explain why God is trying to stop him from fellating it.

Re: God needs Slim Jims.

[bike4fish.livejournal.com]

I thought it was indicating "Stop that infernal racket! I had a few too many drinks last night!"

But re-looking at the picture, it really doesn't look like he's blowing.

[bike4fish.livejournal.com]

One thing I never understood about Christians - espcially the sort that love to quote the first few books of the bible to admonish others - is what happened to the bit about making no images in the form of anything in the heavens above, or on the earth underneath, or in the waters under the earth?

[sabotabby]

I think that got scrapped along with all the other Jewish rules. (Including the prohibitions against sodomy and shrimp, incidentally.) I could be wrong, though. As far as I know, the anti-idolatry bit still stands. It's been awhile since I've read the New Testament, mind you.

[youarethrone.livejournal.com]

hahahahahaha

i just love the captions. i love how the second one screams "WARNING!", it reminds me of some hacker writing "DIS-MISSED!"

i think you should post this stuff to ghetto_pics.

the whole thing would be such a great joke website, it's too bad the guy is serious.

[ex-melimeli728.livejournal.com]

that was s'posed to be from "melimeli".

[sabotabby]

I was sort of hoping it was a joke site, but it's actually too bad to be one.

I dunno...the pictures on ghetto_pics seem very cool in comparison. I think our poor Christian friend might be somewhat outclassed.

[marquisdesod.livejournal.com]

There must be some profound reason fundi agitprop resembles '80s metal art. That's what the Power Jesus and the WARNING! pics say to me.

[sabotabby]

But...but...heavy metal is a tool of Satan!

[corvus.livejournal.com]

Whatever.

Black Sabbeth? Christian.

POD? Christian.

Err. Judas Priest? Homosexual Satan lovers.

Damnit. Two out of three ain't bad ;)