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sabotabbyI had lunch today at the little café near me. There are three people who work there—the chef, and two young people who are the model of early 20s hipsters. The two kids were working today when I came in and were discussing Hilarious Drama, which they decided to include me in.
The girl was looking at the Instagram of one of her old friends, with whom she's now mostly out of contact. Instagram Chick is 20. Café Girl was concerned over an announcement Instagram Chick made on her Instagram. She has decided to move in with a boyfriend, who has a child, and thus the focus of her Instagram will be shifting from modelling and fashion to lifestyle and motherhood. Café Girl felt that this was too young to be committing to motherhood, that the kid probably wouldn't appreciate its life becoming the subject of social media fame, and also, what was the age gap between her and the new boyfriend? So she scrolled through the Instagram to locate a picture of the fellow.
Well. The picture was Quite Something. He did look older than her, but more disturbingly, the photo looked like a slightly faily stock footage of an engagement, where they're supposed to be looking lovingly into each other's eyes but she's more looking at his chin. They were wearing matching beige sweaters. It was risible.
Unnerved by the matching sweaters, we continued to look through the feed, finding another picture of the happy couple a few rows down. They were in the obnoxious upside-down pose which I'm pretty sure no one does in real life because no one's bed is long enough for that. Worse, they were wearing identical matching beige sweaters.
"Do you think they did a photoshoot on the same day?" Café Boy asked.
"Do you think she makes him wear beige to match her blog aesthetic?" Café Girl asked.
"Do you think if you go to their house, it looks like the inside of a home decor catalogue and if you go into their closets, it's just row on row of the identical beige sweater?" I asked.
We kept scrolling, amusement turning quickly to horror as not only was every photo the same desaturated beiges and greys, but as far back as you went, no matter the date posted, the couple were wearing the same beige sweaters.
Café Boy theorized that perhaps the older man had kidnapped Instagram Chick, and was releasing pictures of her, all taken on the same day, on different days, so that everyone would just think she was posting as per usual, with the only clue being beige sweaters. We huddled around the computer, Scooby-Gang research style, and found nothing that would contradict this theory.
"As you're her old friend," Café Boy said to Café Girl, "It is up to you to find all the clues and rescue her."
Café Girl's eyes widened beneath her perfectly cut bangs. She knew it was true.
She knew what she had to do.
The girl was looking at the Instagram of one of her old friends, with whom she's now mostly out of contact. Instagram Chick is 20. Café Girl was concerned over an announcement Instagram Chick made on her Instagram. She has decided to move in with a boyfriend, who has a child, and thus the focus of her Instagram will be shifting from modelling and fashion to lifestyle and motherhood. Café Girl felt that this was too young to be committing to motherhood, that the kid probably wouldn't appreciate its life becoming the subject of social media fame, and also, what was the age gap between her and the new boyfriend? So she scrolled through the Instagram to locate a picture of the fellow.
Well. The picture was Quite Something. He did look older than her, but more disturbingly, the photo looked like a slightly faily stock footage of an engagement, where they're supposed to be looking lovingly into each other's eyes but she's more looking at his chin. They were wearing matching beige sweaters. It was risible.
Unnerved by the matching sweaters, we continued to look through the feed, finding another picture of the happy couple a few rows down. They were in the obnoxious upside-down pose which I'm pretty sure no one does in real life because no one's bed is long enough for that. Worse, they were wearing identical matching beige sweaters.
"Do you think they did a photoshoot on the same day?" Café Boy asked.
"Do you think she makes him wear beige to match her blog aesthetic?" Café Girl asked.
"Do you think if you go to their house, it looks like the inside of a home decor catalogue and if you go into their closets, it's just row on row of the identical beige sweater?" I asked.
We kept scrolling, amusement turning quickly to horror as not only was every photo the same desaturated beiges and greys, but as far back as you went, no matter the date posted, the couple were wearing the same beige sweaters.
Café Boy theorized that perhaps the older man had kidnapped Instagram Chick, and was releasing pictures of her, all taken on the same day, on different days, so that everyone would just think she was posting as per usual, with the only clue being beige sweaters. We huddled around the computer, Scooby-Gang research style, and found nothing that would contradict this theory.
"As you're her old friend," Café Boy said to Café Girl, "It is up to you to find all the clues and rescue her."
Café Girl's eyes widened beneath her perfectly cut bangs. She knew it was true.
She knew what she had to do.
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Date: 2018-03-17 05:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-03-17 05:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-03-17 05:19 pm (UTC)