God’s beautiful creation

[sabotabby]

Pull up a chair, my lovelies, and allow me to regale you with my tale of my MRI this evening.

As you may know, I have to have an annual MRI to check to see if Maggie (my spinal tumour, for those of you new to my journal), has reared her ugly head again. Like anything faintly terrifying, this gets routine when it’s repeated often enough. The MRI lab runs 24/7, so sometimes—as I was tonight—I get lucky and get an appointment late at night and I don’t have to miss any work. The late night staff tend to be the most interesting anyway. As for the test itself, I am pretty blasé; it’s the closet I ever get to resting, and the noise doesn’t bother me as I can just lie back and think of Blixa Bargeld.

When I checked in tonight, there was a very lovely receptionist. I gave my full name and birthdate, as is procedure.

”[Tabby],” she repeated. “Is this a man’s name?”

Confused, I replied, “No, it’s my name.”

”Interesting,” the receptionist said. “In my culture, usually you only keep the man’s name.”

Figuring it out, I said, “Oh! You mean my surname! Yes, that’s my surname.”

She nodded. “How do you think you look?” she asked.

To be quite honest, Gentle Readers, I have not been happy with my appearance lately, especially since the panhandler Louis asked me if I was pregnant. “Tired, I guess,” I replied.

“You look great,” she said, “for your age.”

I laughed. Ah, I’d figured it out. She was hitting on me. Nice! “Thanks,” I said. “You too.”

Gentle Readers, I both regret and am mildly gleeful to inform you that, in fact, she was not hitting on me.

“You should thank God for making you so beautiful,” she said, gesticulating at either the majesty of creation or the medical imaging reception area, one of the two. “Hopefully, you won’t have to come back here again.”

“I have to come back here every year,” I said.

“God made all of this,” she continued. “Do you really think He would make a mistake with you?”

I thought a freak spinal tumour counted as a pretty major mistake, but I’m sure she could see that in my chart. “Probably not,” I said, “but it doesn’t hurt to check His work.”

Religious nutter or not, she found this pretty funny. “Check His work?!”

“Sure,” I grinned. “You know. Just in case.”

Then I had to go into the MRI and not tell anyone about this encounter for 45 whole minutes, whilst trying to remain perfectly still and not lose my shit laughing. Gentle Readers, God may fuck up, but I am proud to say that I did not, and managed to accomplish this task. I may have been asked if I was pregnant three times this week (once by Louis, one on the form I had to fill out, and once by the tech who is legally obligated to ask), but at least I can bask in the glow of being God’s beautiful creation.

Comments

[minoanmiss]

I am glad Maggie continues to be gone.

I am kind of pissed that this receptionist has a job and I don't. Even before I personally bailed on Christianity I had the sense to be uncomfortable with the proselytize-at-school-or-work practices I was being taught. I'd like to think that even if I were still a Christian I wouldn't pull malarkey like this, but then one of the reasons I left was being expected to pull malarkey like this. I know she "means well' but I'm kind of ticked at her for the sake of non-Christians, you, immigrants who could use to not be stereotyped as religiously inflexible, you, the ideal of a pluralistic society, Christians who know better than this, you, professionalism, and also you.

[sabotabby]

She was kind of cute about it and MRIs are boring, so I was amused, not offended.

But yeah, it wasn’t very professional.

[xturtle]

I have doubled the number of pregnancy tests I have taken in my life with the recent gallbladder shenanigans. Given that I have an IUD and often opt for sex that doesn't result in pregnancy for months at a time, they could have trusted me when I told them I wasn't preggo, but whatever, I have good insurance.

May Maggie remain banished from God's Creation.

[sabotabby]

Good luck with the gallbladder shenanigans! Ouch.

[xturtle]

I am now entirely without gall, and much happier for it. Thank you!

[sabotabby]

Yay no gall!

[mr_sharkey]

“God made all of this,” she continued. “Do you really think He would make a mistake with you?”
“He put you here didn’t he?”

This is why my mouth gets me in trouble.

.:.

[sabotabby]

I wouldn’t! She was adorable.

[wolfsminze]

I am also glad that Maggie continues to be gone. And I really enjoy reading your articles because you write about so many topics and in such a open-hearted, often very amusing manner. I have never followed a Canadian online and I have to say I am a bit shocked to realize that Canada and the US seem to share more problems than I thought.

[sabotabby]

I mean, I didn’t need to go into debt or shop around to get an MRI. So there’s that!

[wolfsminze]

That's reassuring!

[moon_custafer]

“You should thank God for making you so beautiful.”

“Oh, I bet you say that to all of Creation.”

[sabotabby]

OMg. I wish I’d said that.

[kore]

WIN

[wolby]

SECONDED

[lapinlunaire]

THIRDED

[minoanmiss]

*applauds*

[rdi]

Stealing this in the unlikely event I ever have opportunity to use it.

[umadoshi]

Perfection.

[kore]

“You should thank God for making you so beautiful,” she said, gesticulating at either the majesty of creation or the medical imaging reception area, one of the two. “Hopefully, you won’t have to come back here again.”
“I have to come back here every year,” I said.
“God made all of this,” she continued. “Do you really think He would make a mistake with you?”
I thought a freak spinal tumour counted as a pretty major mistake, but I’m sure she could see that in my chart. “Probably not,” I said, “but it doesn’t hurt to check His work.”

ILU but you know that. Also, LOL Blixa Bargeld.

People proselytizing at me is annoying but I usually can't react in the moment much beyond a frozen fake grin.

[sabotabby]

In fairness, "lie back and think of Blixa Bargeld" is how I approach most challenging situations.

I used to be a lot more bothered by people proselytizing at me but she was just so cute and earnest about it (and since I thought the conversation was initially flirtatious, I was in Charming Mode) that I can't really object.

[ironed_orchid]

"lie back and think of Blixa Bargeld" is the best solution to many problems

[welcomingsong]

Yup. Definitely the best response to a religious nutter that I've ever heard! Nicely done.

[sabotabby]

DW's interface is such that I don't know if you mean me or moon_custafer, whose response is making me laugh slightly too hard to breathe rn.

[smhwpf]

You are indeed God's beautiful creation. :-)

That is quite funny. you never know, she might have been hitting on you as well as exhorting you to thanksgiving. The two are not mutually exclusive. :-)

[sabotabby]

I am a fucking divine miracle!

It's true, but I think the Venn Diagram overlap between Enthusiastically Gay and Enthusiastically Religious upon first meeting someone is quite small.

[dagibbs]

Wow.

[sabotabby]

Ngl it made my night.

[numb3r_5ev3n]

Wow, that's awesome!

But seriously, you handled that better than I would have. I always find it hella uncomfortable when people are religious at me in public, even if we share the same religious background.

[sabotabby]

I'm used to it. To be honest, so many people in my daily life treat me with casual, unmitigated cruelty, that someone who just wants me to adopt their religion seems benign by comparison.

[lapinlunaire]

I feel like sabotabby handled it better than I would have from the very beginning

[lapinlunaire]

Maybe she was hitting on you in a very over-the-top manner: "what do you mean you are PERFECT you are GOD'S GIFT TO HUMANKIND and I AM CRYING AND PRAYING THAT YOU WILL BLESS MY GENITALS, YOU PERFECT ANGEL YOU"

[sabotabby]

I was hoping, but she had the religious fervour in her eyes. Once it started, I could tell.

[ironed_orchid]

I know a couple of people who are like this about God. One was so happy I was getting married that I didn't have the heart to explain the difference between a legal wedding and a civil partnership.

[sabotabby]

Heh.

I do envy people who are really genuine in their religious belief, though. It seems like it'd be a comfort.