The most Toronto tweet that has ever happened

[sabotabby]

the fact that heather mallick still has her column is the #1 piece of evidence of what a union can do for you at your workplace

sign a union card todayhttps://t.co/RiHwQVByHo

— Michael O'Shaughnessy (@MDNOShaughnessy) April 22, 2019

Context for non-Canadians: Heather Mallick is among the several local journalists who cannot appear to write a coherent article from start to finish and remains employed despite a surplus of young journalists who would do a better job for much less money. She wrote a column today about stabbing a raccoon with a fork and how the raccoon possibly wanted to have sex with her??? I don't know. It's very incoherent and so many bad things happen in the world that it's really delightful that the entire city can come together to laugh at this.

If you're worried, the raccoon is fine.

Comments

[moon_custafer]

I momentarily got her mixed up with Margaret Wente. In both cases, I admit I’d never considered journalism unions— I just assumed they have blackmail files on the owners of the newspapers.

[sabotabby]

Oh, they might. Along with Rosie DiManno, who, while not usually as politically objectionable, somehow vomits up walls of text and gets it published without any editing.

[conuly]

But is anybody going to hire that raccoon?

[sabotabby]

Probably not, and it did all the work.

[minoanmiss]

Not exactly a ringing endorsement of unions, but true nonetheless.

[sabotabby]

A union can't be in the business of picking and choosing which members to defend, I suppose.

[joymoose]

She desperately wants to be Tabatha Southey.

[sabotabby]

She is definitely not.

[sara]

To be fair, I was honestly worried that I was going to have to fight a raccoon myself this morning.

Now that I think about it that's going to be today's Good Thing: "Raccoon backed down."

[sabotabby]

I have never tried to fight a raccoon (unlike my dearly missed late cat Marinetti). I am under no illusions about who would win in a me vs. raccoon fight.

[lapinlunaire]

Are they aggressive? :( I always thought they'd be friendly and cute.

[curgoth]

Cute, yes, friendly, no. their attitude is more "Leave the lid off the trash bin and no one has to get hissed at. But I'm still gonna poop on your deck and take a leak on your welcome may, because your compost bin didn't have enough coffee grounds in it this week. Nice garden gnome, be a shame if something... happened to it."

[lapinlunaire]

So... like cats?

I guess what I was trying to ask is if they attack people? If they're not aggressive to humans then I can't begin to imagine why someone would try to fight one. :(

[sabotabby]

They can be more aggressive than cats and do carry rabies a lot. So it's not best to get into a disagreement with them. They are best admired from a safe distance even though they are hella cute.

[curgoth]

Also, if all one knows of raccoons is youtube videos or rural raccoons, please understand that the ones in Toronto are twice that size, much smarter, and do not know fear.

[sabotabby]

Some are friendly when they want something from you. Like the cute baby one that wanted to play with me in my garden, but it turned out that it was just a distraction and the rest of the family was trashing the shed (for no good reason; there was no food or anything in it).

[lapinlunaire]

But did you play with the baby? This is the important question.

And ok, while I'm sorry for your shed that is pretty funny. They are nature's drunk punks.

[sabotabby]

Oh, don't be sorry; it was hilarious and I got pictures and video.

I didn't exactly play with the baby because raccoons are not supposed to be out in daylight, and these were. Typically it's a sign of rabies or distemper. Of course, Toronto's raccoons have evolved so we do now get daytime raccoons, but it's not entirely possible to tell a daytime raccoon from a sick and potentially contagious raccoon.

Now I'm immune to rabies so I'm less worried, though I still wouldn't play with a baby raccoon. One of my friends found six orphans though, and bottle-fed them until they were big enough to send to a sanctuary, and she understands her audience so she posted pictures and video every day.

[rdi]

A friend of abigor's used to feed orphaned racoons. Apparently they were big on PBJs

[contrarywise]

I was wondering what was up with the raccoons from bits I saw go by on Twitter.
I have a good friend who pokes her local raccoons with a spear to teach them to respect her boundaries, so I can see how a fork wouldn't be particularly impressive to a raccoon.

[sabotabby]

I've never attempted any violence against them, but I've shouted at them to get away from my bins. Amazingly they were not impressed by this.

[curgoth]

I'e found strong red lights seem to annoy them, or at least get their attention, better than either noise or white light.

[rdi]

My dad once attempted to shoo a racoon using a broomstick. The racoon grabbed the end of the broomstick and shooed back.

[joymoose]

The Canadaland podcast just dedicated 1/2 an episode to this.

[sabotabby]

Wow okay I need to check it out.