Let's see if this gratitude thing works

[sabotabby]

A FB friend with whom I have many and frequent disagreements asked people what they're grateful for. My general response to having a year from hell that culminates in a civilization-shaking plague is not to be grateful about it, but there actually are a few things and I'd be remiss if I didn't state them.

Part of the reason why I don't keep track of things I'm grateful for is that I feel like it's tempting capricious fate/the uncaring universe/the Elder Gods to talk about good things, lest you paint a target on them. So assume a knock wood after all of these things:

I am grateful that:

• No one I know or love has died yet
• I am still getting paid for now and have a roof over my head
• My cat hasn't gotten worse
• I have a supportive online community that is keeping me sane-ish
• I've cultivated an inner life and can handle solitude
• I went vegan and had to learn how to be resourceful in cooking, particularly with canned foods well before this
• No one in the neighbourhood likes the same ramen that I do
• I put so much of my work online already and don't have to necessarily scramble from scratch
• People in my neighbourhood are mostly serious about social distancing
• There's a thread on the caremongering group that is about what we're going to do when all this is over because sometimes it seems like this will never be over
• You're reading this, and I'm grateful for you

There, did I do it right?

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Comments

[minoanmiss]

I feel like it's tempting capricious fate/the uncaring universe/the Elder Gods to talk about good things, lest you paint a target on them.

I hear you. I wrote my own post thus kind of in the teeth of this feeling.

And I think you did this excellently.

[sabotabby]

My life has been a series of narrowly-dodged bullets and I can only think that it's because I say jinx after everything.

[moon_custafer]

No one in the neighbourhood likes the same ramen that I do

A blessing not to be underestimated.

[sabotabby]

There are many good types of ramen but one kind in particular is the Best Kind of Ramen and not everyone has it. One of the women who works at the Asian fruit stand near me knows that it's my favourite (she does not in fact like it) and tells me whenever it comes in. Apparently it is too spicy for the general population, however, I guess I buy enough of it that they keep it in stock.

[umadoshi]

I guess I buy enough of it that they keep it in stock.

This is delightful.

[sabotabby]

I don't think it's just me. I'm just saying that she tells me when it's in, and then I buy some, and then when I go a week later there's the same amount minus what I bought.

It's really great ramen. I don't know what's wrong with people.

[franklanguage]

I always order spicier stuff than I can tolerate, so I'd probably like it.

[dewline]

I believe you did.

[sabotabby]

Yay!

[kore]

You did fantastic and I'm really happy you have those things.

[sabotabby]

Me too. I just want to be able to keep those things, y'know? The more you have, the more you are afraid to lose, which is I think why billionaires hoard wealth that they won't use up in their lifetimes.

[joymoose]

Gratitude journaling gets easier as you do it.
I like to preface mine (in my head as) "Not *everything* is awful...."

[sabotabby]

Hah, that works.

[symbioid]

Yes, yes you did it right.

I don't like to do that either, probably for the same reasons.

I do wonder what it would have been like during the Black Plague and how having social media changes so much of the equation. But it most definitely is nice to be able to have a social network without having to actually physically be places, and not just using the phone or snail mail.

Yes, it feels like it will never be over.

Grateful for you too! <3

[sabotabby]

So many of my friends, since I got regular internet access (approx. age 18) have been online. And my lifestyle has been such that I rarely got to see my meatspace friends before this. So socially, it's actually been a slight uptick in some ways. Last Sunday I got to hear voices of people I usually see maybe once a year and we're doing it again this Sunday. It's something.

But it feels endless, I have to say.

[50ftqueenie]

You did it exactly right.

[sabotabby]

\o/

[mistersmearcase]

Jinxfear: did I ever tell you this? When I was a kid, my paternal grandfather would call me and my sister "mieskeit." It's Yiddish for "ugliness." I guess I just read it as silliness and then a thousand years later a linguistics prof told me that it was a common thing that Jews did because if you talk about something being good, it gets taken away. I didn't realize my weird, I'm-not-otherwise-superstitious jinxfear was a Jewish thing but I guess it is.

I also don't do gratitude lists because I sometimes find gratitude lists smarmy, which is perhaps my own issue. (Obviously I don't mind non-smug ones like this problematic.)

[sabotabby]

I feel like my grandparents did something similar when I was little but maybe I'm remembering it wrong. It's something familiar, at any rate.

I have a few superstitious things that are kind of intrusive, like needing to wish on 11:11, avoiding cracks (yes really), pulling up my legs when driving over a train track. It's kind of quirky I guess, but mainly not fun at all.

I also don't do gratitude lists because I sometimes find gratitude lists smarmy, which is perhaps my own issue. (Obviously I don't mind non-smug ones like this problematic.)

I usually find them either smarmy (if the person is really lucky and they're basically humblebragging) or frustrating (if the person has a lot of bad things going on and it feels like they're forcing a smile.) But I really do want to appreciate what I have.

[annie_r]

Same.
https://jel.jewish-languages.org/words/254
My mom would just say, "Don't give it a keinahora" if something good happened, so I guess I just learned that sounding like I might be bragging was not done out loud. I still say 'knock wood' a lot of the time. It's hard for me to express true gratitude when everything seems so complicated and has so many caveats. Like, I am very privileged in so many ways, and in others, so f'ed up. Like, if I were to make a gratitude list, I'd also make a list of things that suck. And then feel bad that I was centering myself, etc blah blah. So I'm not sure that gratitude helps me, but I do acknowledge my good fortune to myself.

I've got a bit of OCD superstitiousness (like the cracks, yeah, but where I live there aren't any sidewalks in the immediate area, but I grew up in nyc, cracks every few steps.) I didn't know about wishing on 11:11 but I'm always happy to see that and other repetitive numerics on digital clocks. 11:11 is the most common since I am likely to be awake for it twice a day. I do things like, when I leave the house I must say 'see you later' to the pets in a certain way, and say it a few times in case I didn't get it right. But I don't think my thoughts get too intrusive unless I'm super-stressed. When I was a kid I had a ton of intrusive thoughts; I should write about that.

But I like your list! I love ramen but probably not the spicy kind. The caremongering group is on fb? I cannot be on fb, oh well. I am grateful for you.

[sabotabby]

Keinahora! That's the word.

I have a lot of intrusive thoughts. It's pretty bad, actually. I think it's gotten worse, not better, with age.

The caremongering group is on fb? I cannot be on fb, oh well.

Yeah. I'm not useful in it. I have not a lot of skills, no attention span, and I'm not willing to bet my mom's life on helping out people with deliveries and such.

[mistersmearcase]

Knocking on wood/saying keinahora is the only one I am sort of compelled to do. (I settle for knock on head a lot of the time.) I have one or two others I think are cute and do some of the time, like throwing salt over my shoulder if I spill it. I think there's one other. Even the knocking on wood one makes me feel silly since I believe in no supernatural anything but I guess maybe you could count the almost sentient-feeling unfair awfulness of life as a higher power, right?

I may do a similar list to this one today. Keinahora.

[sabotabby]

I do the salt thing too. And the knocking on wood thing, though sometimes I just say it or knock on my head.

[annie_r]

hey, just added you, don't want to give it a keinahora. I also studied linguistics a zillion years ago (grad school dropout.)

[mistersmearcase]

Ok, I'll add you back! Grad school dropouts are my people, by and large. Also it looks like you're in a part of the country I have a fond, complicated relationship with.

[sara]

I actually make myself write down one good thing a day. I can't always come up with one but I try. And the positive that I get out of it isn't necessarily that it makes me feel better, but that I can flip back through my notebook and see those things and that helps me prioritize doing more things like that. So for example this afternoon I made time for a phone visit with the colleague I periodically have lunch with, because I've noticed that often "Good lunch with K." is a given day's highlight.

[sabotabby]

My cats are always a good thing. I could probably write down something cute they do every day and fill a notebook.

[sara]

Yeah, I think something like that seems way healthier than beating yourself up for not being mindful enough or whatever.

[radiantfracture]

You did great.

I hear you about jinxing.

I am grateful for you and your snark and acuity and truth.

That ramen thing is gold.

[sabotabby]

I've been blindsided enough times that I don't think I'll ever feel like any good thing or good time can last. But I can be grateful in the present, I guess.

And I am also grateful for your words.

[mallorys_camera]

You make me laugh.

Thank you.

[sabotabby]

I try! It's all we got right now.

[pofflewomp]

The ramen one especially!

[sabotabby]

Ramen is critical to surviving the apocalypse.