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[sabotabby]

I promise you'll want to know about this wacky Ben Shapiro dream that I had last night. There was no WAP involved, much like Ben Shapiro's love life.



I decided to infiltrate a far-right conference that was made up of various brands of fascist, including the kind that are really into Israel and the kind that don't think the Holocaust happened*. I figured I couldn't totally hide the fact that I was Jewish and they were talking about Holocaust denial as soon as I entered, so I said that my grandparents were Holocaust survivors**. Ben Shapiro smarmed up to me and said he was a Holocaust survivor too, and I said that he couldn't be because he was an actual fetus, but several of the people in attendance just nodded like this was a totally normal thing to say. Also in my dream he looked like he was hastily assembled in Photoshop, which is how he looks in every picture I've ever seen of ihm.

I took my seat and realized that a lot of the people around me were also infiltrating, including my friend WK†. I started laughing and asked if anyone at this conference was not antifa, just as a known fash in a MAGA hat entered, and a group that were like the Hammerskins but were wearing these weird burgundy letterman's jackets came in to work security, and I realized we all had to be a bit more subtle or we were going to get our asses kicked.

"I can't believe I'm doing this on my birthday," I groaned, just as one of the fash came by.

"Oh!" he said, "It's your birthday? We have cake!"

I suddenly got very stressed out, as I wouldn't be able to eat the cake because there was no way it was vegan, and that would blow my cover, and also I had planned on only attending the morning part of the conference and getting back in time to bake myself a cake that I could eat, and then I realized what was the point because I couldn't have anyone over to eat it with me. Then my mom texted to said that she'd gotten me a cake as well. I was going to have to figure out how to fake-eat the fascist cake.


* Obviously these are overlapping groups because fascism is an aesthetic as much as it is an ideology.
** Note: This isn't true, either in the dream or in real life.
† Who is Asian. And a communist. And is a lovely man but I can't imagine him infiltrating anything ever.

Comments

[minoanmiss]

That was very entertaining, actually. I think you deserve cake.

[sabotabby]

I do! I'm getting cookies today, I guess. Which means I'm baking them and eating one.

[grimjim]

Even without dream logic, maybe your friend could have posed for far-right Japanese to the lot? The alt-right had a thing for Asian woman and would probably have given fascist Japanese a pass for attendance.

[sabotabby]

LOL well, he's a guy, and Chinese, though I guess racists can't tell the difference. They do allow some token minorities, hence how he got through the door.

[grimjim]

North American racists have long said "they all look alike to me", so...
Wearing a "rising sun" on a lapel or patch would probably get the nod, I figure, being a callout to Japan as an Axis power in WW2.
Yes, I've overthought this.

[sabotabby]

True! Although like...this is not the guy we send to infiltrate stuff.

[smhwpf]

That is an excellent dream.

I think it's OK to eat the non-vegan fascist cake if it helps stop the fash. You should remember that next time you're in that dream. Or actually infiltrating a fash party.

[sabotabby]

I have often been told I "don't look Jewish" (we can unpack the problematic layers of that at another point) but as it turns out, I totally look Jewish and should never be the person who has to infiltrate fash groups. I know this because there is no mask yet made that accommodates my honking schnozz.

[flamingsword]

Repeat after me: "My Grandmother is from Italy, and I got her nose." Why do Italians have a totally unearned reputation for having large noses? IDEK. But they do.

[sabotabby]

I believe the word you're looking for is "aquiline."

[flamingsword]

Isn't aquiline more about the shape of the nose? (*quick google*) Okay, so it's about the beaky curvature, which doesn't mean a long or wide nose. I guess depth of curvature is one kind of size.

[marahmarie]

Also in my dream he looked like he was hastily assembled in Photoshop, which is how he looks in every picture I've ever seen of ihm.

So glad I wasn't sipping my tea when I read that as I would've snorted it right out my nose.

[sabotabby]

It was a pretty lulzy dream.

[broken_record]

I clicked on a Ben Shapiro video yesterday because I never remember seeing one. He sounds like every little cringey teenage boy who thinks he's smart and funny.

[sabotabby]

That's exactly what he is.

[broken_record]

Haha I don't even want to look up any more videos by him. It's like when I give my time to a troll on the internet. Why do it? It's a huge waste of time and kills brain cells.