SOTU contest!

[sabotabby]

Here's a link to Bush's 2006 State of the Union address. You know, the one in which he comes out very strongly against furries. I know that I was very worried about the furry menace.

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to identify as many examples of silliness as you can (these may include grammatical, logical, ideological, and factual silliness, as well as pronunciation gaffes, if you happen to have sound on your computer).

The winner gets to be smug.

I'll get you started: Hydrogen fuel is not a viable solution to America's energy problems.

Have at it!

---

And the winner is...teapolitik, in a landslide. In what may be a record, he actually managed to win teh intarwebs twice in one day. Congratulations, and enjoy the warm feeling of smugness.

But you're all winners, really.

Comments

[pretzelsalt.livejournal.com]

"Tonight, let me speak directly to the citizens of Iran: America respects you, and we respect your country. We respect your right to choose your own future and win your own freedom. And our nation hopes one day to be the closest of friends with a free and democratic Iran. (Applause.)"

Your choices are . . .democratic - or WALK THE PLANK!

Cause we respect you.

There are a million more - I almost feel like doing a sentence by sentence breakdown - but then I would have a breakdown.

[sabotabby]

That's why it's a collective effort. Every time I read these, I'm tempted to do a substantive edit, but he's not paying me.

[sabotabby]

+1, by the way.

[seanmonster.livejournal.com]

Um, isn't Iran already democratic?

[englishpigdog.livejournal.com]

I'll contribute the first five.

#1. Loretta Scott King was a vocal opponent of the Iraq war and vocal supproter of gay rights, and her husband's vehement opposition to the Vietnam War, and tp poverty and capitlaism made him loathed as a communist sympathizer by the government, mainstream media, and political right. (A fact that has since been whitewashed over by people who pay him lip service like Bush)
#2. " In a system of two parties, [...] there will always be differences and debate." That's a pretty dumb statement. Everyone knows that the degree of dissent and debate and political diversity is huge in a two-party system! Unless both parties are monopolized by the same pro-big business, pro-big government, socially conservative politico-economic oligarchy dominated completely by ultra-rich white elderly heterosexual Christian males. Oh, wait...
#3. "But even tough debates can be conducted in a civil tone". Which your sycophants are known for!
#4. I think the fact that someone who's caused a war that's murdered hundreds of thousands of people (http://community.livejournal.com/anarchists/1485596.html) and destroyed the future well-being of a nation of people (http://editorandpublisher.com/eandp/news/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1001921751&imw=Y) is using the word "goodwill" to describe himself should count as something silly.
#5. "Tonight the state of our Union is strong, [except the parts of the union that the negligence of myself and my fellow politicans helped destroy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Orleans#21st_Century_.28Hurricane_Katrina.29)]

[sabotabby]

+5

[ltmurnau.livejournal.com]

Having African-American churches and faith-based organizations administer HIV tests quickly and effectively, and sure, why not non-judgementally....

[sabotabby]

+1

I'll call it quits at 20. I'm tired of this...

[teapolitik.livejournal.com]

1: "rostrum" - I had to look it up. Therefore, Bush doesn't know this word.
2: "In a system of two parties, two chambers, and two elected branches, there will always be differences and debate." - There are no substantial differences and there is no substantial debate. All examples to the contrary are essentially to demonstrate, against all logic, that The System Works™.
3: "To confront the great issues before us, we must act in a spirit of goodwill and respect for one another -- and I will do my part." - While Bush may honestly believe that what he's doing is in "goodwill", there is no element of respect in any of his actions.
4: "Tonight the state of our Union is strong" - No, it isn't. Thankfully.
5: "In this decisive year, you and I will make choices that determine both the future and the character of our country." - This could be said every year.
6: "We will choose to act confidently in pursuing the enemies of freedom -- or retreat from our duties in the hope of an easier life." - Obviously it will be the latter. And this reminds me...!
7: Instances of the words "free", "freedom", "democracy", "democracies", "democratic", "liberty", "liberated", "liberation": 35.
8: "We will choose to build our prosperity by leading the world economy" - Because exploiting the world is such a great thing!
9: "The only way to protect our people, the only way to secure the peace, the only way to control our destiny is by our leadership -- so the United States of America will continue to lead." - That's worked out so well until now, why stop?
10: "Abroad, our nation is committed to an historic, long-term goal -- we seek the end of tyranny in our world." - No comment.
11: "On September the 11th, 2001" - Mentioned 9/11.
12: Instances of the word (or prefix) "terror-": 20.
13: "Dictatorships shelter terrorists, and feed resentment and radicalism, and seek weapons of mass destruction." - Unless they're our allies, and then it's okay.
14: "Democracies replace resentment with hope, respect the rights of their citizens and their neighbors, and join the fight against terror." - All evidence to the contrary notwithstanding.
15: "In 1945, there were about two dozen lonely democracies in the world. Today, there are 122." - I'd like to see the list.
16: "And we do not forget the other half -- in places like Syria and Burma, Zimbabwe, North Korea, and Iran -- because the demands of justice, and the peace of this world, require their freedom, as well." - It seems the "Axis of Evil" is swelling.
17: "Terrorists like bin Laden are serious about mass murder" - Meanwhile, terrorists like Bush make jokes about it.
18: "They seek to impose a heartless system of totalitarian control throughout the Middle East, and arm themselves with weapons of mass murder." - To quote George Carlin, "that's our fuckin' job!"
19: "Lacking the military strength to challenge us directly, the terrorists have chosen the weapon of fear." - Except they don't lack the strength and they are challenging the US directly, where the US' military is stationed: Iraq.
20: "In a time of testing, we cannot find security by abandoning our commitments and retreating within our borders. If we were to leave these vicious attackers alone, they would not leave us alone. They would simply move the battlefield to our own shores. There is no peace in retreat. And there is no honor in retreat." - Bin Laden begs to differ.

Re: I'll call it quits at 20. I'm tired of this...

[englishpigdog.livejournal.com]

You win

Re: I'll call it quits at 20. I'm tired of this...

[sabotabby]

1. I can't see what he's standing on, so I'm not even sure if he's using the term correctly. I agree, though, that he doesn't know the word. (I had to look it up too.)
2, 3, and 4 were already mentioned by englishpigdog.
7. Should be a drinking game, and probably is. Same with 12.
15. Now I'm curious, but it would very much depend on how one defined democracy. See #7.

Well done. +17.

[bike4fish.livejournal.com]

Instances of "moral": 1

Instances of "furry": 0

[sabotabby]

Human-animal hybrids!

[spacemind67.livejournal.com]

I don't know. All I saw was a bunch or clapping robots and smug, smiling robots who occasionally clapped.

[sabotabby]

I didn't watch it. TV's not plugged in, and I'm rather glad of that.

the truth is out there

[springheel-jack.livejournal.com]

I notice he didn't say anything about alien-human hybrids. I WONDER WHY NOT. HMMM.

Re: the truth is out there

[sabotabby]

Because then he'd get assassinated like JFK in that one X-Files episode! Conspiracy!

[jaymoh.livejournal.com]

This moment made me "lol" last night.
"Tonight I announce an American Competitiveness Initiative...". Ahhhahahahahaha!

Slightly related: when invited guest Cindy Sheehan was thrown out before the SOTU because of her t-shirt. Wheee!! Good times..

[sabotabby]

I'm going to laugh so hard when China and India take over everything.

What was she wearing?

[see-my-glock.livejournal.com]

HUMANS ARE ANIMALS

and for those of you who actually watched the terrible thing- i was mesmerized by how every single time he closed his lips - completely without exception - his tongue darted out and touched his upper lip.

[sabotabby]

Lizard-alien.

Who's with me?

Switch Grass

[(Anonymous)]

We'll also fund additional research in cutting-edge methods of producing ethanol, not just from corn, but from wood chips and stalks, or switch grass. Our goal is to make this new kind of ethanol practical and competitive within six years.

OK so in (6) years I will be able to run my automobile on Switch Grass. ummmmmmm OK. If you say so, you ARE the President.

Re: Switch Grass

[sabotabby]

What's switch grass?

I don't know as much about it, but I think corn-based ethanol may also be unfeasible. I'll have to do more research.

[earthlingmike.livejournal.com]

I enjoyed missing it. No game from me.

Buying electricity from Canada from windmills that Canada should assemble would solve America's impending energy crises.

[sabotabby]

You guys are going to invade us and take all our wind, aren't you?

[missandrony.livejournal.com]

As many ridiculous things as there were in that speech, I think the grand prize goes to the Democrats for their fervent and raucous applause when Bush announced that Social Security is fucked up the ass.

If only they'd summon up that sort of bitchy snark more often, and the country might correct its current course.

[sabotabby]

Did they really? Heh. Although if America responded better to snark, Jon Stewart would be President and half of your problems would be solved right there.

[jaymoh.livejournal.com]

I can't believe no one got this http://www.theonion.com/content/node/44892.

[sabotabby]

What I admire is not the frequency of American political scandals, but the extent to which the current administration gets away with it. Kudos!

[one-serious-cat.livejournal.com]

teapolitik won this challenge hands down, so I'll just mention again the President's unfortunate statement that "welfare cases have dropped by more than half in the previous decade." That's just plain ugly.

[sabotabby]

Our illustrious former premier once said something similar. Of course, there was also an increase in homelessness at the same time, but I bet those two things weren't related at all.

[seanmonster.livejournal.com]

Gorram furries takin' all our jobs. They'll come after the wimmins next.

[sabotabby]

The funny thing is that I vaguely recall the ljers4president election before the last one dealing specifically with the furry menace. Life imitates the blogosphere and all that.