Like Chuck Norris, Jesus lost his virginity before his mom did

[sabotabby]

Via Pandagon: Chuck Norris responds to Chuck Norris Facts with a roundhouse kick in the name of Jesus. On WingnutDaily.

Alleged Chuck Norris Fact: "There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live." It's funny. It's cute. But here's what I really think about the theory of evolution: It's not real.

Comments

[herkyjerkydance.livejournal.com]

Oh GOD. I like how he's all like "my tears can't cure cancer...but the tears of JESUS can!"

[sabotabby]

It's a pity that I don't have JESUS available right now. What an asshole.

[revolution-grrl.livejournal.com]

While I have as much fun as anyone else reading and quoting them, let's face it, most "Chuck Norris Facts" describe someone with supernatural, superhuman powers. They're describing a superman character. And in the history of this planet, there has only been one real Superman. It's not me.

He's talking about Jesus. What a precious, irritating, fingernails on the chalkboard, claw my own eyes out thing to say. We spent some of our more delirious times on the Trans-Siberian this summer doing Chuck Norris facts, and I must say, this sactimonious textual vomit cheapens that for me.

[sabotabby]

Aww, the real Chuck Norris could never pollute the sacred badass that exists in our collective internets consciousness.

[ironed_orchid]

Exactly!

Besides which, Jesus grew a beard so he could look more like Chuck Norris.

[threepunchstuff.livejournal.com]

Corpse of Bruce Lee rolls over in grave, causing seismic aftershocks that render Chuck Norris impotent.

[lopukhov.livejournal.com]

<3!

[sabotabby]

<3 <3 <3

[lopukhov.livejournal.com]

My favourite rebuttal au Chuck:
There was a man whose tears could cure cancer or any other disease, including the real cause of all diseases – sin. His blood did. His name was Jesus, not Chuck Norris.


OMGOMGOMG ISTALLURFAULTUSINNERzUGETWATUDESERVEUDIEOFTBANDMALNUTRITION.

[sabotabby]

I'd like to roundhouse kick his face just for that comment.

[xol0tl.livejournal.com]

Way to kill a joke, Chuck.

[sabotabby]

For some reason, I now find it even funnier.

[99catsaway.livejournal.com]

Apparently his super power is idiocy.

[sabotabby]

He can roundhouse kick logic into submission.

[ocicat-bengals.livejournal.com]

Has he met Ted Nugent?

[sabotabby]

Ted Nugent goes hunting.

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting. Hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.