a11 pr0ducts 4 ur h3alth and b3auty

[sabotabby]

So, long story*, but I was at Pearson Airport for about five hours last night. I ended up talking with—no joke—a real-life internets spammer. Sorry, an e-commerce entrepreneur.

Realizing that I was going to be stuck there for awhile, I bought a copy of Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell. (It was that or Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, but I went with the former because the latter was shorter and more highbrow). I'd gotten about 70 pages in, and I was obviously pretty absorbed, but that didn't stop the eldery gentleman sitting next to me from striking up a conversation.

He asked me what I was I was reading. I told him.

"Thriller?" he asked.

"Fantasy," I replied, after some hesitation. Marketing categories being what they were, it was in with mainstream fiction.

"Do you like fantasy?" he asked.

"Sure," I replied.

"I like books about business," he said.

At this point, I started to wonder if he was a figment of my over-tired imagination, since who the hell likes books about business? My obvious disinterest in the subject, however (at least in comparison to Mr. Norrell's appearance in London high society) did not deter him from telling me how one could program one's mind in such a way as to become a millionaire. And, in fact, he had just read a book on the subject.

"Did it work?" I asked.

"Did what work?"

"The book. Are you a millionaire?"

"Not yet," he said.

He worked in e-commerce, selling "beauty and natural health supplements" over the internet. The guy at the top of the pyramid scheme made so much money that he didn't need to work and just watched the money roll in. No one else, he added, had quite achieved that level of success, but he was certain that the riches would be flowing forth soon.

I couldn't tell if he wanted me to join the pyramid scheme, or just buy his beauty products over the internet. He seemed to focus first on how I ought to be making more money, and then on how I could use natural skin products and makeup instead of Botox injections or plastic surgery. I told him that I thought that wrinkles were a perfectly fine thing to have and besides, they weren't exactly a concern at this point in my life.

Since at this point I was quite keen on getting back to my book, I pointed out that what one saves in time by buying shit over the internet, one loses in other ways. For example, I had no need to buy gas over the internet, seeing as I walked everywhere and didn't own a car. And buying cosmetics over the internet seemed quite counter-intuitive, given that it's much more convenient to try out different shades against your skin, rather than blindly guessing. Not to mention the fact that I already spent enough time in front of a computer screen without doing my shopping online, too.

Fortunately, his cell phone rang, and he buzzed off. But not before giving me his cards (which I now can't find, dammit), and leaving me with the distinct impression that I'd just been IRL spammed.



* Actually, not that long a story. It can be summarized as "flight delayed due to vomit."

Comments

[khalinche.livejournal.com]

Completely aside from spam, I got hold of a copy of Jonathan Strange... when I was in the UK in May and I have read it at least ten tmes through since. It's my only English book in Tapacarí and I've read and reread it so many times I'm totally sick of it...but I still utterly love it. The language is so witty and the plot so rich without being overly complicated. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.

[sabotabby]

So far, I am. I was laughing like an ass in the airport.

[hopita.livejournal.com]

There was this time, once, about a million years ago, when some guy was trying to hit on me at a bus stop. It started out with all of the usual cliches -- "Are you a model? No? Well, you should be ..." -- that type of stuff. Then at some point he decided to tell me that he was a millionaire. I can't remember if I actually said it or just thought it, but I do recall that my immediate reaction was "well then what the fuck are you doing waiting for the fucking bus?"

[sabotabby]

I was kind of sad about how deluded this guy was. He seriously thought that he was going to be rich any day, to the point where he was reading get-rich-quick books for entertainment.

[1in8.livejournal.com]

haha, this belongs in some kind of palahnuik novel, or even hunter s. thompson.

[sabotabby]

I'm flattered! Maybe one day I'll be that talented a social satirist.

A girl can dream.

[bike4fish.livejournal.com]

At least the Krishna Consciousness people give you books with pretty covers.

IRL spam is a good term for it - and I find myself scared by the true believer mentality that the MLMs impart to their vic.., er, I mean members.

[sabotabby]

Not to mention vegetarian meals by donation. Which is a pretty cool public service, if you think about it.

What's MLM? The guy seemed very, very culty, but so do most of the business books I see on the shelves (or, in some cases, edit). When it comes down to it, wealth is almost always predetermined for the vast majority of humanity, and it's distressing to see people tie themselves in knots trying to find a way around that.

[frandroid.livejournal.com]

MLM!! Think hard!! :]

This wouldn't qualify as spam for me... The most egregious quality of spam is that it doesn't cost its originator anything (i.e < $0.01, < 0.01sec) to spam people, but it is a thorough waste of time for the recipient (and money for the ISPs). Your case here, in contrast, cost this pyramid brick as much of his time as he wasted of yours.

[sabotabby]

Oh, that MLM. I was thinking Make Lots of Money. A Maoist revolution, even in Canada, seems more likely to me than a sudden influx of cash into my life brought about by sheer force of will.

I don't think it cost Manny much of anything, given that he was also stuck waiting for a delayed flight at the airport. It would only have been cost-ineffective if there had been someone else who was more interested in the scheme within general vicinity than I was.

[frandroid.livejournal.com]

Speaking of Khrisna meals, have you ever been to the temple on Avenue @ Dupont?

[sabotabby]

No, but I've been meaning to go. Have you been there?

[frandroid.livejournal.com]

Neither. My in-laws live right by there so I pass by regularly, but since I am always bound for dinner already, I can't stop and sample ;]

[bike4fish.livejournal.com]

MLM = Multi-level marketing - the polite term for a cult that convinces its members that selling pond scum as a dietary suppliment will save the world and make them rich. And the guy at the top lives in a great big house and wears fancy clothes paid for by the impoverished devotees.

Somehow it reminds me of the Catholic church.

[sabotabby]

Wait, so you didn't mean Marxist-Leninist-Maoist?

I'm kinda disappointed now.

[bike4fish.livejournal.com]

Hmm, I don't think Mao had a big house. And his clothes were pretty plain.

[frandroid.livejournal.com]

And so am I!! =)

[roter-terror.livejournal.com]

I knew a rotund girl who, sick of working in a supermarket's deli, decided to get in on one of those Amway schemes. She told me she was going to be a millionaire in a few years.

I should check up on her.

[sabotabby]

It sounds like you missed an opportunity to be a trophy husband.

[pretzelsalt.livejournal.com]

When I worked at Barnes and Noble (for far too long) I had a manager who hit on me ALL THE FUCKING TIME and one of his pick up lines revolved around how he had a bookshelf at home full of business and finance books.

This always made me laugh - because the man made like a dollar more an hour then my broke ass and had worked there like 9 years.

He was one of the booksellers who didn't read books himself so whenever he saw me use my discount to get something he would segway into his half full bookshelf that included "what color is your parachute?".

Those people never seem to get that the only person who makes money through the "get rich" books is the fucking person who wrote the drivel.

I finally figured out what bothers me about this kind of interaction though - it's totally hierarchical - a male will come to fluff his "me so smart" feathers to a stupid hen - not knowing the hen in question could think his ass under a table anyday. It's just about the assumption that they can save a pretty face with their superior intellect. The kind of raw smarts that gets into MLM.

[sabotabby]

See, not only do I have no aptitude for matters of finance, I have absolutely no interest in the subject. If I somehow became a millionaire, I would keep enough to live on so that I didn't have to work and give the rest away. I have no interest in money for money's sake. I tend to tune out when I hear numbers or businesspeak, which makes it not a very good strategy for picking me up.

I think the kind of guy who does this shit is the same type who gets into evo-psych and believes women to be genetically predisposed to gold-digging and that wealth (or the potential for future wealth) will compensate for his lack of personal charm and often hygiene.

[pretzelsalt.livejournal.com]

Yes yes and YES!

Also - I lazily posted burroughs just to bug you.

Gobble gobble

[sabotabby]

I love how I said yesterday that everyone will be posting that, and of course, everyone is posting it.

[nom-de-grr.livejournal.com]

lol interblags

[jordansc.livejournal.com]

It's obligatory.

And, oddly enough, my parents liked it.

[esizzle.livejournal.com]

Well, I'd consider botox injections and other non-surgical procedures natural products too. For example one way to look younger is by injecting fat cells harvested from the patient's body to get rid of or fill in some wrinkled areas. Botox too is natural as it is derived from toxins produced by bacteria and all it does is paralyse the muscles underneath the skin for some time and the wrinkles dissappear on their own. Natural can be anything, unless it was cultivated in another parallel universe, but even then, who's to say?

I just think that people like that guy trying to convince anybody to buy obscure "natural" products, as if that is healthy but proven clinical procedures are not, ruin the Internet for everybody else. :(

[sabotabby]

Oh, yes. As I mentioned to someone on abortiondebate who was arguing that abortion isn't natural that pennyroyal is found in nature.

[ltmurnau.livejournal.com]

What a pity that you can't find his card. He's due for a spam-whuppin' himself...

[sabotabby]

I don't know how to spam people. :(

[lovableatheist.livejournal.com]

At this point, I started to wonder if he was a figment of my over-tired imagination, since who the hell likes books about business?

People that are into Amway. A friend of mine's father is totally into Amway and has the largest collection of business related books that I've ever seen. He's also very christian, which I guess can go hand-in-hand because they both try to sell you something in hopes of getting rich themselves.

[sabotabby]

But it's just not interesting. And also, is there anyone who grew up in North America who hasn't heard that pyramid schemes are, well, pyramid schemes?

[andreazenith.livejournal.com]

I told him that I thought that wrinkles were a perfectly fine thing to have and besides, they weren't exactly a concern at this point in my life.

I've been trying to tell peeps that for YEARS.

No one ever believes me, though. LOL.

Love this story!
*HUGE HUGS*
~Anj

[sabotabby]

I think if you're clever and resourceful enough to get to a certain advanced age without dying, you should flaunt it by having wrinkles and being crusty about "kids these days." Otherwise, what's the point?

[andreazenith.livejournal.com]

Agreed!

I always thought it would be fun to be the seriously crazy cat lady living down the street- who fascinated some, and scared the shit out of most. *cackles*

When my hair goes grey, it's going to be dyed some funky ass colours. =*^.^*= Pink! Purple! Lime Green! A bright rainbow! MUAH!