Childhood misconceptions, the first in a series

[sabotabby]

When I was seven, they made me take a test. They wouldn't tell me what the test was for, only that it didn't count for grades and that there was no way I could study for it. It consisted primarily of puzzles. I was pretty convinced that I bombed it, as I've never been that good at puzzles.

Anyway, what it meant was that I was "gifted." I'm not talking about this to brag or anything—anyone who's gone through the experience of being labelled as such knows that it's nothing to brag about ("More of a curse," we used to say.), and further, that it's not any sort of precursor to success later in life. I bring it up because I'm studying Special Education now, and one of the things that happens when you study syndromes and disorders and exceptionalities is that you're convinced that you suffer from each and every one.

So anyway, I was gifted. And apparently very much so—top of my class, got A+s all the way through, blah blah blah. But here's the theory I developed. I was convinced—utterly convinced—that rather than being near the distal end of the bell curve, I was closer to the proximal end. I was pretty sure that I was, if not severely developmentally delayed, at least mildly intellectually disabled. My theory went that either my mother, who had a great deal invested in the idea of having a really smart kid, or, more likely, some egghead scientist, had decided to place me in gifted classes and constantly tell me that I was smart to test whether or not this would actually improve my intelligence.

Some of this stemmed from witnessing something similar (a child in my Montessori class with some manner of intellectual disability was, upon entering the public school system, placed into a regular class where he functioned quite well on account of having been encouraged in his early years). Some of it stemmed from my conviction that I'd failed the puzzle test in third grade. But most of it was because I have just always felt vaguely out-of-step with the world around me.

I was just thinking of this as I diagnosed myself tonight with ODD (oh, like you're surprised), auditory processing impairment, and poor math fluency. I should probably get my head out of that textbook, y/y?

Comments

[dagibbs.livejournal.com]

I would say yes.

[thebigbadbutch.livejournal.com]

Yes.

I took a bunch of those "gifted" placement tests when I was a kid. It was pretty horrible for my self esteem because I always score two points away from being gifted. Everytime I got the results my dad would chew me out for being that two points off. As an adult though I think was a conspiracy because even if I took the same test 50 times as an adult there is no way I would always be two points away. It really just does not seem possible.

[gynocide.livejournal.com]

Good entry.

I flunked the "gifted puzzle test" when I was a kid because I had high scores on the state's annual public school standardized test bullshit. They told my mom that I was "very unique and creative with extraordinary language/reading skills" but they wanted kids who were "talented in science and math" and that she needed to work with me on that so I could live up to my "gifted" potential.

They also informed her that I have a low IQ. I still score low on IQ tests due to my problems with math.

It seems like she told them to stick it up their ass, and then told me I was still a good person and she loved me even if they were idiots.

[culpster.livejournal.com]

My first line in the movie I showed in Chicago is:

"When I was a kid, I thought I was retarded and my parents were hiding it from me. To make me feel better."

Common ground! I aced a similar test and was similarly terrorized for the privilege. No A+ for me, because I felt school was beneath me...

[mistersmearcase.livejournal.com]

Yeah DSM class (DSM, if this isn't common knowledge, which i'm not sure, is the big book of diagnosing mental illness) was fun that way.

[jamie-miller.livejournal.com]

OUT OF STEP! WITH THE WORRRRRRLD!!



in other news, your Libertarian Bingo card was posted elsewhere:

http://forums.louisvillehardcore.com/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=8116

[sabotabby]

But it's a bit fun/

[seaya.livejournal.com]

Now they don't do those kinds of tests anymore, at least not in Maryland. They have the teacher and the parents rate the kid on several ways of thinking with examples of why they are good at them. (e.g. Global, Analytical, etc., etc.)

So yay, improvement.

[sabotabby]

That actually does sound like a conspiracy. No one scores the same way twice.

(They didn't tell me what I scored, incidentally. My mother claims to have forgotten or never known what my IQ is. I'm sort of glad, as I don't put any stock in IQ tests.)

[sabotabby]

Hah. Your mom is cool.

The one I took separated language and math, so while I scored low on the math, I was high enough in language and the fucking puzzles to compensate. Alas, it was a self-contained class, so I had to take gifted math, which was brutal, along with gifted English, which was a joke.

[seaya.livejournal.com]

They tested me in kindergarten, but I don't remember the test. I passed it, but I don't remember passing it.

Though I didn't know what a "jaw" was on the regular kindergarten readiness test. I knew it as a mandible. Well, given my parents' line of work...

[sabotabby]

Which movie is that? I wanna see it!

[sabotabby]

Oh, DSM, the manual that said I have borderline personality disorder! Yeah, that is fun to play with.

[sabotabby]

Up the Louisville punx!

[sabotabby]

Though I didn't know what a "jaw" was on the regular kindergarten readiness test. I knew it as a mandible. Well, given my parents' line of work...

Hahaha.

[seilduksgata.livejournal.com]

Ah, I had to take one of those tests once. I was 13 and desperately wanted to be moved up a year at school because I was being bullied in the year I was in and had already tried everything else. My parents weren't happy about me moving schools for some weird reason but the school wasn't keen on moving me up because it was supposed to be one of those progressive, egalitarian institutions that had moved away from the 'English public school' way of doing things. In the end they agreed to get the county psychologist on the case and she came in and 'tested' me. Well, she was duly impressed and I did move up, but I remember thinking all through the test that it was pretty meaningless and wondering how it could be considered 'scientific'.

[sabotabby]

It isn't very scientific. Incidentally, there exists a big book where scientists rate all the tests and see how reliable they are. Most of them are not very reliable.

[mistersmearcase.livejournal.com]

Ha, how on earth did you qualify for that? It's a notoriously broad and hazy diagnosis (tends to be handed out to anyone a therapist can't stand) but even so...

[thebigbadbutch.livejournal.com]

Yes that is a huge improvement. Knowing Arizona we'll probably have a system like that in fifty or so years.

[seilduksgata.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know that now -I think (I hope) most people are pretty sceptical of them. But I hadn't come across the idea when I was 13...

[thenetwork.livejournal.com]

As a 180+ IQ kid who grew up in an institution for "crippled and retarded children", as the charming phrase went back then, I can tell you your theory is mostly true. Then again, it depends on your KIND of intelligence. Also, you should read Orson Scott Card's 'Ender's Game', if you haven't already. :)

[sabotabby]

I don't know! And it was a dear friend administering the test (she said immediately after, "No you're not.").

[sabotabby]

Really? And yep, I've read it. Too bad that Orson Scott Card is nuts now.

[shelestel.livejournal.com]

In Israel the term "special ed" did not contain gifted. I find that the way the term is used in Canada to contain "both ends" is very appropriate.
Both the so-called "lower" and "higher" ends use and learn language (in the widest sense of the word, that is in the sense that encompasses nearly everything) noticeably differently than the people in the "middle". The scale low-medium-high is not always a good model for this sort of thing, since what constitutes "success" is sometimes defined by the ability of a person to function effectively within a system designed for averages. And even when it isn't, social success often depends on this. I feel more comfortable around some "mentally ill" people than I feel around "normal" people. I didn't encounter such a statement from him, but I suspect that Foucault had the same feeling.

[sabotabby]

It's not just intellectual either—it also encompasses physical disabilities, learning disabilities, speech and language, etc. Which I think does a lot to reduce the stigma and look at exceptionalities more holistically.