Here is a meme

[sabotabby]

From ayoub, with a minor alteration:

Ask any of the characters I've written for advice, and they will provide it. Your problems or your fictional characters' problems are both welcome. Management is not responsible for the results of following said advice.

Since most of you probably haven't read any of my ahem fiction, feel free to ask for advice and I will select the most appropriate character to answer.

Comments

-taps mic-

[kmittenz.livejournal.com]

How much would should a woodchuck chuck in one day?

Re: -taps mic-

[sabotabby]

Dorian Jones: From each woodchuck according to his ability. Of course, chucked wood needs to be distributed to each according to his need with a cut for the Party leadership of course.

Re: -taps mic-

[kmittenz.livejournal.com]

OMG hehehe. Also: Stalin vs. Hitler. Double lolwtf.

Re: -taps mic-

[sabotabby]

Picking out icons that suit each character is going to be the most amusing bit of this meme for sure.

[esizzle.livejournal.com]

do u have any advice about how to be as awesome as you? is it something easy that comes naturally to you or does it take hard work and practice?

[sabotabby]

Jardine Isadora: My dear departed mother would disagree with me, but I imagine that a certain amount of it is genetic. She claimed to believe that hard work and dedication can triumph over a lifetime of ignorance and deprivation, but that's the very sort of blatantly ideological thinking that gets you tossed out of a window. Were hard work really all it took, we would see the occasional success story arising from the slums, and we don't see that, do we? No, we don't.

One can only be awesome through a particular combination of breeding, luck, and pure ruthlessness. Fortunately, I have all three in good measure.

[lienne.livejournal.com]

Hahahahahahaha.

My problems: Too much porn to write, not enough time to write it in. What do I do?

My fictional characters' problems, whitetexted for reference to future continuity of that very secret fic I emailed you: I have a psychopathic gay boyfriend who is not rational on the subject of women. How do I keep him from finding out I was sexually assaulted by one? I'm pretty sure he'll kill me and very sure he'll kill her. Evil as she is, I am not having fun thinking about what he'll probably do first.

[sabotabby]

Definition of "my characters" expanded to include "characters co-created with Snark.

Agent Chekhov: Sodomy is wrong. This said, he has found that there are few problems that cannot be solved with a judicious amount of firepower.

[lienne.livejournal.com]

*snicker*

Whitetext says he cannot think of a single way a gun could possibly improve this situation. Except for all the ways that involve kinky sex.

[sabotabby]

Chekhov assures you that his sex life is non-existent at the moment, and is quite fed up with everyone making gun jokes, though he confesses it was almost funny the first time. Almost.

[lienne.livejournal.com]

Whitetext can't come to the phone right now. He's busy laughing his ass off in the next room. XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

[snarkitysnarks.livejournal.com]

laughing his ass off

Chekhov amends that he does not appreciate foul language being used in his presence.


(heh heh...oh Spy, I knew you would use Chekhov if anyone asked about sex. It's just too good).

[lienne.livejournal.com]

Whitetext's psychopathic boyfriend suggests that if Chekhov has a problem Chekhov can fucking lick his sweaty balls.

[snarkitysnarks.livejournal.com]

To which Chekhov retorts:
ahsfkahsbfkhjasbfjkas

[lienne.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Apologies for Paint and general halfassery, but I had to respond in kind:



In other words, >:D.

NB: the shark teeth are entirely artistic licence. Also, when competent people draw this guy, he does in fact have ears. At least I rememebered to put his eyebrows in this time.

[snarkitysnarks.livejournal.com]

...as soon as Chekhov thinks of a good song.

[lienne.livejournal.com]

Psychopathic homosexual laughs his ass off:



I can't draw.

[sabotabby]

(heh heh...oh Spy, I knew you would use Chekhov if anyone asked about sex. It's just too good).

Chekhov is not sure of why everyone finds his non-existent and completely heterosexual sex life so hilarious.

[snarkitysnarks.livejournal.com]

"GODAMMIT CHEKHOV"

[sabotabby]

FFFF.

You should come online.

[troubleinchina.livejournal.com]

The girl I like seems to like boys. Woe! Tell me, dear character - is there some way to change her mind? I mean, besides telling her how stupid boys are?

[sabotabby]

Sikni ka-Argider: You Earthbound types—so limited in your view of human sexuality. Just pounce, my dear.

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

Why do women love a bad boy?

:D

[sabotabby]

Mr. Frost: They always want to save me.

There is nothing left of me to be saved.

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

:D

[erotetica.livejournal.com]

Dear Ms. Tabby,

My lifestyle, at present, is beyond shameful. Lacking any sort of occupation, I wake up early in the mid-afternoon, filled with a dreadful ennui which only dissipates with the first drink of the day; the inevitable consquence of this has been a sort of alcoholism which would be described as high-functioning if my day-to-day functions included more than reading Proust and playing roulette.

However, this peasure-seeking existence is under dire threat. Due to my over-enthusiastic indulgence of the Casino, my most precious heirlooms are in the hands of the mob, and I am afeared that I may even have to sell my estate. This means that I may very well have to embark on that most onerous of duties - finding a paid occupation. Having never worked a day in my life, what advice would you have?

[sabotabby]

Assuming for a moment that Ms. Tabby is not actually one of her own fictional characters, though this is debatable.

Leah Silverman: Never submit to the degradation of wage slavery. Look, kid, here's the plan.

1. Organize the workers and farmers.
2. ...
3. Revolution!

[marsianer.livejournal.com]

What should I write my next pornographic story about, and why?

[sabotabby]

Agent Brecht: Tentacles. There's always room for tentacle porn.

[seanmonster.livejournal.com]

I can't beat Green Grass and High Tides on Expert in Rock Band, and now the other guys in my fake band are making fun of me. What should I do?

[sabotabby]

LAMP: YOU ARE TASTY BRAINS.

[cyborg-kitty100.livejournal.com]

Beer, spirits, wine or sobriety?

[sabotabby]

Leah, again: Drink it if you've got it. Proper booze that doesn't make you go blind is the first thing to go when civilization crumbles.

[cyborg-kitty100.livejournal.com]

ooo good point