Uptight killjoys try to spoil all your fun

[sabotabby]

It's that time of year again when some stick-up-the-ass prude tries to make Pride Toronto, the biggest tourist event of the year, not happen because dudes rubbing dicks together makes them feel funny in their pants. This year, it's all quiet on the Queers Against Israeli Apartheid front, so it's back to the usual bugbear of the pearl-clutching set—Totally Naked Toronto Men, a.k.a. TNT!Men, a.k.a. the naked old dudes with wrinkly scrotes.

God, I love those guys. Seriously, if it wasn't for them, Pride would suck, and not in the fun way. It's not that I have a thing for wrinkled scrote (I don't) but if TNT!Men weren't letting it all hang out, Pride would be 100% co-opted by banks. Not that it isn't 99.99% co-opted, but the presence of these excellently freaky gentlemen is a reminder that Pride used to be a controversial protest. Plus, they are super-nice (I've marched behind them before) and always willing to help out when Pride is threatened by someone's stupid manufactured controversy, even if it doesn't affect them personally. Good folks.

Today's moral panic is courtesy of some boneheaded TDSB trustees, who want City Hall to guarantee that their the children's delicate sensibilities will not be offended by the presence of a bum or, god forbid, an actual peen. Because it's a family event and they have a float there.

Um.

To illustrate the sheer douchebaggery at play here, allow me to present an allegory. Let's say you throw a birthday party every year. It used to be you and a couple of your buddies, but word got around that you throw a great party and there's plenty of sweet cake and great cocktails there, so people you didn't know very well started showing up. Cool! The more the merrier. The invite's open, as long as no one's actively planning to trash your house.

Then, one of the acquaintances you invite says she'll show up. But, she says, you can't serve alcohol.

"But it's my birthday!" you protest. "You don't need to drink if you don't want to, but lots of people who come really like cocktails."

"I'm bringing my kids," your guest replies. "And it's inappropriate for them to be around drinking."

You don't remember inviting her kids, but fine. "That's your call," you say, politely. "I'd love to have you, and your kids there, but I'm a grown-up and it's kind of a grown-up party. So if you bring them, it's your job as a good parent to supervise them and explain to them that sometimes grown-ups like to drink, but they shouldn't drink until they're older."

"You'd better not serve alcohol at your party," your guest shrieks. "Or I'm calling the cops! Also I am gluten-free and my kids are allergic to peanuts and make sure the cake is vegan."

You see my issue here. Fortunately, like all initiatives aimed at destroying Pride, this one will flop, as Pride is a massive juggernaut and teh gays have disposable income. But the fact that it's my employer being ridiculous makes me extra angry.

Comments

[princealberic.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's fucked. Your analogy is perfect, though.

Is there no respect left for the elderly? In my day, we respected the right of people who spent their entire lives paying taxes to hang out naked if they so pleased. The people against this are scoundrels.

[sabotabby]

I would shake my cane at them but I don't have one anymore.

[princealberic.livejournal.com]

I'm judging you very hard for not having bought that sword cane. It would be so helpful here because you could challenge them to a gentleman's duel while shaking your cane at them.

[sabotabby]

I should walk into the Board meeting brandishing a sword-stick and shouting, "I DO SAY!" And then throw down an actual gauntlet. It'd get me fired but that would be the best story ever.

[princealberic.livejournal.com]

Do it. I'm sure you could then get another job, like being an extra on historical TV shows anyway.

[sabotabby]

I did see a job yesterday that I'm qualified for, pays more than mine, and is probably more convenient. But. I actually like my job, weirdly enough. Also, pension.

(I could probably be an extra on historical TV shows. A lot of my friends are apparently in Murdoch Mysteries, though I've never seen an episode.)

[princealberic.livejournal.com]

You are an awesome person. I would probably have taken the other job, because convenience is good and so is more money. I'm a terrible person.

(OMG. See, you even have connections! That is clearly the ideal career for you. Think of all the costumes! All the attractive people you can meet! WHAT AN EXCELLENT IDEA.)

EDIT: That icon makes me want to laugh every time I see it and you keep using that icon in your replies to me today and I'm really amused by this.

[sabotabby]

I can keep using it. It amuses me.

So I'm doing all of this career exploration stuff with my kids, and one of the weird side-effects is that it makes me think about my own career choices. And I figured out that the #1 priority for me is stability. Not money, not location, not stress, not life fulfillment, but knowing that I have a steady source of income. Probably has to do with money stresses as a kid and lots of turmoil when I was a graphic designer, but anyway, it makes me not want to leave a job where I have a contract and a union and a pension.

Anyway. I can't say that applying for the other job wasn't at least a bit tempting, as it sounded interesting as anything, but it also sounded like something that the Tories would cut if they get into office. So.

[princealberic.livejournal.com]

Yay!

Stability sounds good to me and you have a point. I honestly have no idea what I want out of a career (other than possibly not being totally horrible) so right now you sound like a genius or at least like a responsible adult to me.

[smhwpf.livejournal.com]

You could be a star on a historical TV show! Hell, you should have your own historical TV show!

[sabotabby]

You haven't seen me act, have you? ;)

[smhwpf.livejournal.com]

Ay, your allegory nails it. (Or is it a parable? Or an analogy? Or all three?)

Is there a chance that the TDSB will rebuff the pearl-clutching trustees, or are they a majority? Hope at any rate that City Hall will duly ignore them.

If Rob Ford were to turn up to Pride naked and smoking crack, would he be arrested?

[sabotabby]

All of the above, I think, but it's awhile since I did literary analysis.

I suspect that the TDSB will rebuff the pearl-clutches, but one can never go broke underestimating the pervasiveness of prudishness.

Rob Ford wouldn't turn up for Pride because he's against it. He might actually get arrested now, though, seeing as the OPP is taking over the case, and they're much harder to bribe than the Toronto cops. If it happens, I bet it'll happen when I'm in Morocco.

[smhwpf.livejournal.com]

If it happens, I bet it'll happen when I'm in Morocco.

That would be just like him, the scoundrel, to time his downfall when you couldn't gloat about it on LJ.

[sabotabby]

Exactly. See also Thatcher dying when I absolutely couldn't throw a party with the playlist that I've been saving for years.

[resonant.livejournal.com]

No, his tradition is to smoke crack while naked at his family's cottage during that week.

[50-ft-queenie.livejournal.com]

Your analogy reminds of why I rarely let people bring their kids to my house.

[sabotabby]

Hahaha.

Though I am lucky in that my friends' children are all perfect angels (well, at least when I'm around; apparently I'm just lucky) and the worst I've gotten lately is a staircase booby-trapped with a vast collection of Nerf guns. Which is something that an adult is just as likely to do at my house. ;)

[50-ft-queenie.livejournal.com]

Most of my friends' kids are pretty good too. I've just have a few bad experiences - kids pounding up and down the stairs screaming while the parents did nothing, toddler pounding on my glass-fronted china cabinet - and my house is massively not kid safe. It's easier for everyone if I visit my friends with kids at their houses.

[flummoxicated.livejournal.com]

"I'm not a homophobe, even though my logic is identical to Russian anti-gay propaganda laws. Also, peens."

[sabotabby]

Exactly this.

[whatifoundthere.livejournal.com]

"You don't need to drink if you don't want to, but lots of people who come really like cocktails."

Morelike COCKtails, amirite? Eh? Eh? I'll see myself out.

[ironed_orchid]

Have I ever told you how much I love that icon?

[sabotabby]

I'm glad someone noticed.

[treehavn.livejournal.com]

Ah, I see. They just want the right kind of gays to decorate their floats.

[sabotabby]

Acceptable gays.

[ironed_orchid]

Your allegory is a thing of truth and beauty.

Have all the fun in Morocco!

[sabotabby]

Thank you!

#Sabotabby

[ed-rex.livejournal.com]

Again. Because you're brilliant.

[pofflewomp.livejournal.com]

I now have a child and I don't think the naked people thing is something that could bother me. I took my little brother to the naked bike ride on purpose so he could see naked people. Actually he was very embarrassed by my doing that to him...