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Aug. 27th, 2010
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sabotabby
Overton Window: Chapter 26-29
Aug. 27th, 2010 10:23 amChapter 26
Kearns and Danny both feel a bit squicky after their meeting with the Teabagger Militia. The plan was that they give the teabaggers the iNuke, the teabaggers give them $20,000, then when the teabaggers go off to nuke the senator, they get a face full of Surprise!SWAT team. Everyone goes home happy. Well, except the teabaggers, who will NEVER BE TAKEN ALIVE.
The problem is that the teabaggers appear to be flat broke, and so the boys wind up having to take their iNuke home with them in a doggie bag instead of leaving it as evidence. The other problem is that the brains of the operation, Elmer, is our missing Fifth Ranger.
“Hey kids! Depleted uranium can be dangerous. Before you touch it, ask an FBI agent if it’s okay.”
Kearns sings along—in a falsetto—to the radio, and Danny asks him why he’s still doing field duty when he’s obviously too old for it.
Can you guess the answer?
Chapter 27
The answer is September 11.
What, you thought Glenn Beck was above shameless emotional manipulation? This is faction!
In the middle of Kearns’ heartwrenching tale, Danny insists on stopping by a place called the Pussycat Ranch to inject what Beck’s readers no doubt perceive as a dose of much-needed heterosexuality into this part of the story. Kearns seems disappointed that it’s a brothel as opposed an establishment better suited to 63-year-old men who live alone with their cats, but he agrees to this plan. But then he remembers that they have the iNuke in the car, so he spots Danny $20 for a beer and lets him go in by himself. This guy is pretty trusting—it’s no wonder his career is a disaster. Of course, Danny texts Molly, because he’s slightly less of an idiot than Kearns is, apparently. He warns her about the sting op and tells her to stay away from Las Vegas, which is good advice for life, really.
Chapter 28
And we’re back to the less exciting couple. Molly’s taken off somewhere, as usual, and Noah is having nightmares. Beck explicitly tells us that there are no zombies in his nightmares, because that would be even slightly interesting, and we can’t have that.
When he wakes up, there’s a woman who’s presumably a doctor. She tells him that it’s now Monday and his father wants to see him.
Chapter 29
I guess Beck is also as bored of his heroes as I am, because we’re back to the slightly more exciting saga of Kearns and Danny and the terror plot. Elmer finally calls back and tells them to meet him in Nevada (gosh, do you think the meeting place will be the phone booth in the Mojave Desert?). Danny fires off another warning e-mail on his “favorite anonymous e-mailing site.” Has Beck even been on the internet before? Is he new?
Kearns loses some points with me when he puts out water for Mr. Bigglesworth in an inverted hubcap. No food? Is he leaving the poor kitty to fend for himself? I am disappointed, Kearns. Very disappointed. I hope you didn't leave your slippers lying around, because I expect that you'll be receiving a present shortly.
Kearns and Danny both feel a bit squicky after their meeting with the Teabagger Militia. The plan was that they give the teabaggers the iNuke, the teabaggers give them $20,000, then when the teabaggers go off to nuke the senator, they get a face full of Surprise!SWAT team. Everyone goes home happy. Well, except the teabaggers, who will NEVER BE TAKEN ALIVE.
The problem is that the teabaggers appear to be flat broke, and so the boys wind up having to take their iNuke home with them in a doggie bag instead of leaving it as evidence. The other problem is that the brains of the operation, Elmer, is our missing Fifth Ranger.
“Hey kids! Depleted uranium can be dangerous. Before you touch it, ask an FBI agent if it’s okay.”
Kearns sings along—in a falsetto—to the radio, and Danny asks him why he’s still doing field duty when he’s obviously too old for it.
Can you guess the answer?
Chapter 27
The answer is September 11.
What, you thought Glenn Beck was above shameless emotional manipulation? This is faction!
In the middle of Kearns’ heartwrenching tale, Danny insists on stopping by a place called the Pussycat Ranch to inject what Beck’s readers no doubt perceive as a dose of much-needed heterosexuality into this part of the story. Kearns seems disappointed that it’s a brothel as opposed an establishment better suited to 63-year-old men who live alone with their cats, but he agrees to this plan. But then he remembers that they have the iNuke in the car, so he spots Danny $20 for a beer and lets him go in by himself. This guy is pretty trusting—it’s no wonder his career is a disaster. Of course, Danny texts Molly, because he’s slightly less of an idiot than Kearns is, apparently. He warns her about the sting op and tells her to stay away from Las Vegas, which is good advice for life, really.
Chapter 28
And we’re back to the less exciting couple. Molly’s taken off somewhere, as usual, and Noah is having nightmares. Beck explicitly tells us that there are no zombies in his nightmares, because that would be even slightly interesting, and we can’t have that.
When he wakes up, there’s a woman who’s presumably a doctor. She tells him that it’s now Monday and his father wants to see him.
Chapter 29
I guess Beck is also as bored of his heroes as I am, because we’re back to the slightly more exciting saga of Kearns and Danny and the terror plot. Elmer finally calls back and tells them to meet him in Nevada (gosh, do you think the meeting place will be the phone booth in the Mojave Desert?). Danny fires off another warning e-mail on his “favorite anonymous e-mailing site.” Has Beck even been on the internet before? Is he new?
Kearns loses some points with me when he puts out water for Mr. Bigglesworth in an inverted hubcap. No food? Is he leaving the poor kitty to fend for himself? I am disappointed, Kearns. Very disappointed. I hope you didn't leave your slippers lying around, because I expect that you'll be receiving a present shortly.
Overton Window: Chapter 30-31
Aug. 27th, 2010 04:30 pmChapter 30
Okay, so Noah’s father has tracked his cell phone and had him drugged and kidnapped from the Teabag Squat (sorry!). Father of the Year, that one. The writing in this book is so execrable that I’m still unclear as to where the Founding Fathers Bible Study Group was at the time, not to mention all the survivalists with their delicious cookie ammunition, but I don’t care enough to parse the awful prose for an explanation. The important thing is that Noah is back at the D&M office. Dad has brought Charlie the Lawyer and Warren Landers, the firm’s muscle, for company. It’s a party!
Landers has figured out that Molly leaked the document. He’s also found out some other things about her. Are you ready?
( continued under the cut )
And with that, we end Part 2. I am off to drink a great deal. These two things may or may not be related. In the meantime, you might also enjoy Hipster Shrugged.
Okay, so Noah’s father has tracked his cell phone and had him drugged and kidnapped from the Teabag Squat (sorry!). Father of the Year, that one. The writing in this book is so execrable that I’m still unclear as to where the Founding Fathers Bible Study Group was at the time, not to mention all the survivalists with their delicious cookie ammunition, but I don’t care enough to parse the awful prose for an explanation. The important thing is that Noah is back at the D&M office. Dad has brought Charlie the Lawyer and Warren Landers, the firm’s muscle, for company. It’s a party!
Landers has figured out that Molly leaked the document. He’s also found out some other things about her. Are you ready?
( continued under the cut )
And with that, we end Part 2. I am off to drink a great deal. These two things may or may not be related. In the meantime, you might also enjoy Hipster Shrugged.