The cookie jar was raided and the cookies stolen, so we shall therefore steal more cookies

[sabotabby]

All day, I kept seeing news headlines proclaiming that Bush was going to "admit that mistakes were made." Of course, I couldn't wait to see what those mistakes were and what the Chimpresident planned to do about them. I was not disappointed!

Check out this bit of Orwellian satire, I mean, Globe and Mail article. Here, we have a classic example of pure, unmitigated stupidity, and the media swallowing it wholesale. Bush "admits" (I am really getting sick of having to use scare quotes all the time) that mistakes were made. Note the use of the passive voice throughout the article and throughout the Bush Administration. "Cookies were stolen from the cookie jar." "Coffee was spilled on the top-secret report." You get the idea.

No one, of course, will confess to making said mistakes, but do we get Bush's explanation about what those mistakes were? You bet! Are you ready for this?

"Military operations sometimes were handcuffed by political interference by the Iraqi leadership.”

Whisky tango foxtrot? The puppet government that Bush installed, you know, the one that's a shining beacon of democracy and freedom in the Middle East*, is the cause of all the problems there. Who knew? Maybe we ought to invade and depose—no, even I'm getting sick of making that joke.

Another beautiful line is this attempt at consensus and solidarity:

“A vast majority of the American people are not satisfied with the progress in Iraq,” Mr. Bartlett said. “President Bush is in their camp. He's not satisfied, he's going to say the strategy was not working, he's going to tell them specifically how we're going to fix the strategy.”

THAT'S RIGHT WE'RE ALL ON THE SAME SIDE HERE. Bush and the dirty hippie protesters in the streets, together at last. We all agree.

Now we can bring on the solution to the Iraqi non-quagmire, non-civil war, cycle of violence thingamabob. Can you guess what it is?

*DRUMROLL*

...more troops.

Which is what he was going to do anyway.

Isn't democracy grand?

EDIT: De-Baathification? Author of Liberty? Was this speech translated through Babelfish?

* It used to be Israel, of course, but Israel no longer has to suffer the burden of being The Only Democracy in the Middle East. It now needs only to be "secure."

Comments

[misfratz.livejournal.com]

Whu? Can't decide if that just makes no sense or if I'm just to tired to follow his reasoning. Since it's Bush, I'll go for the former. Did you hear the thing where invasion forces had raided a police station and were being protested by the local government, but the national goverment was saying it was all good because there was torture going on. I mean seriously, if you're going to set up a government to stop torture, it's a pretty basic question to ask: 'Are you a torturer?'. Everyone knows someone's done something wrong but simultaneously noone's done anything wrong. The thinking boggles my mind, at least. I'm not up for a major blame-fest, but some honesty would be enough...

[sabotabby]

I could use a blame-fest, myself.

[seaya.livejournal.com]

Everyone should learn from South Africa. Seriously.

Of course, they weren't acted upon by an outside force, so that's an unfair comparison.

[chickenfeet2003.livejournal.com]

Actually the debacle in Iraq is all the fault of lax commie Canadian security that allows furriners to spy on key defence workers by planting transmitters in toonies.

[sabotabby]

I kept saying that toonies were evil, and no one listened.

[smhwpf.livejournal.com]

It makes you want to burst into peals of maniacal laughter.

When you start with such absurdities, all you can do is pile on ever greater absurdities, each to explain the last. And because they always get to set the agenda, the wise men of the media will always nod sagely, and only allow debate on the latest chapter, never digging down into the huge tottering mound of lies and stupidities on which it is built.

[sabotabby]

Pretty much. I mean, you have to swallow an enormous pile of bullshit to get to the point where the Iraqi puppet government of purple-fingered fame is responsible for every atrocity since the U.S. invasion. It boggles the mind.

[culpster.livejournal.com]

Hey Michael Moore (sorry) points out that 20,000 troops just brings them up to the level they were at last year. So it doesn't even make sense on his own fucked up terms for Bush to apologize for not escalating sooner, because he's already had this many troops on the ground and it didn't help.

But there's the fucking Star, crowing "Bush apologizes" like they wrote it themselves.

[sabotabby]

I am sick of the Star. It's such a pointless paper these days.

[frandroid.livejournal.com]

It's been getting worse since Honderich was sacked resigned, too.

[jhfurnish.livejournal.com]

The real point of it all is that the fucker completely ignored the will of the public because he has never in the least been concerned with it. He's following a plan his father and their buddies sloppily laid out before he even ran his original campaign for Steal-the-Presidency.

[sabotabby]

None of them give a shit about the public. But Bush isn't even good at faking it.

[corvus.livejournal.com]

[corvus.livejournal.com]

http://www.masada2000.org/GiftPage.html

[corvus.livejournal.com]

not work safe, though amazing

[sabotabby]

Dude, that wasn't even home-safe. Masada 2000 are so fucked up.

[corvus.livejournal.com]

I really wish I could end up on their Web site. That would be amazing.

[sabotabby]

I was on page 5 of the Sun with the Jewish Women's Committee to End the Occupation and they used my name and everything and I still haven't registered with those fucks. I am so disappointed.

[terry-terrible.livejournal.com]

Yep.....more and more pundits and people in government have been pushing the "blame the Iraqis" explaination since this summer. The offical historical narrative of this war will "we tried to help those poor Arabs out, but thier too stupid/degenerate to take to it.".

And everyone will be able to have a clear conscience.

[sabotabby]

It's the White Man's Burden without the eloquence.

Off Topic: KITTENAGE

[rohmie.livejournal.com]

Kittens! (via seanmonster.)

... And MORE kittens yet. (Backstory is Clango had his memory wiped.)

Re: Off Topic: KITTENAGE

[sabotabby]

I changed Marinetti's name when he was almost four. I am so going to cat jail.

Re: Off Topic: KITTENAGE

[frandroid.livejournal.com]

Thankfully for you, catjail just means spending more time at home with your cat, serving its every needs.

[esizzle.livejournal.com]

Quote of the year (and it's only 2007): "If the Iraqi government does not follow through on its promises, it will lose the support of the American people"

Well it's about time Iraq started following through on their promises!

[sabotabby]

How dare Iraq not follow through on its promises! It promised children! In the streets! Greeting tanks! With flowers! I for one am very disappointed.