I guess we have a theme for my next mixed CD

[sabotabby]

Frank Sinatra will turn you gay.

I'm surprised it took them this long, but some fundie group has finally compiled a list of bands that will make you gay. Neither Kids on TV nor Hidden Cameras made the cut, leaving k.d. lang to represent Canada, but Elton John and the Indigo Girls are on there twice, on account of the fact that they are really, really gay.


The Spores
Scissor Sisters
Rufus Wainwright
Merzbau
Ravi Shankar
Wilco
Bjork
Tech N9ne
Ghostface Killah
Bobby Conn
Morton Subotnik
Cole Porter
The String Cheese Incident
Eagles of Death Metal
Polyphonic Spree
The Faint
Interpol
Tegan and Sara
Erasure
Le Tigre
The Gossip
The Doors
Phish
Queen
The Strokes
Sufjan Stevens
Morrissey(?questionable?)
The Pet Shop Boys
Metallica
Judas Priest
The Village People
The Secret Handshake
The Rolling Stones
David Bowie
Frankie Goes to Hollywood
Man or Astroman
Richard Cheese
Jay-Z
Depeche Mode
Kansas
Ani DiFranco
Fischerspooner
John Mayer
The Indigo Girls
Velvet Underground
Madonna
Elton John
Barry Manilow
Indigo Girls
Melissa Etheridge
Eminmen
Nirvana
Boy George*
The Killers
Lou Reed
Lil' Wayne
Motorhead
Jill Sobule
Wilson Phillips
DMX
Lisa Loeb
Dogstar
Thirty Seconds to Mars
Lil' Kim
kd lang
Frank Sinatra
Hinder
Nickleback
Justus Kohncke
Bob Mould
Clay Aiken
Arcade Fire
Bright Eyes
Corinne Bailey Rae
Audioslave
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Panic at the Disco
Elton John(really gay)

Um, the Stones? Really?

The non-gay list is a lot shorter, and is "safe" by virtue of being utterly unlistenable. Except for Cyndi Lauper, I guess.

Shall we make suggestions? I'm on a Magnetic Fields kick lately.

(Hat tip: trollprincess.)

Comments

[frandroid.livejournal.com]

Metallica? Motherfucking Metallica? That's a total breeder band, as in rape-your-girlfriend breeder. Gay people don't rape girlfriends.

What's with the star on Boy George?

[sabotabby]

One of the guys in Metallica came out when they decided to cash in on the alt-rock thing. No, really.

The asterisk is for fabulous.

[febrile.livejournal.com]

(Metallica? Motorhead? Judas Priest? Morrissey is questionable? Really?)

[sabotabby]

It's sad that I know this much about metal, but Metallica is 1/4 gay, and Rob Halford is so flaming that he's been known to cause blindness. Motorhead? Maybe they're big with the leather daddy set.

[incendiarymind.livejournal.com]

What? Cyndi Lauper is basically a drag queen. My gay friends love Cyndi Lauper almost as much as Madonna. In fact more since I hang around with mostly gay punks who don't like Madonna.

[sabotabby]

Cyndi Lauper is like Madonna but with more talent and less need to buy children and change her religion every six months.

Even better!

[jvmatucha.livejournal.com]

Here's one of their music videos!

http://www.youtube.com/v/3MRWqlf_8M8


Found this via catsluvdmb!

Re: Even better!

[sabotabby]

It's TOS'd. :( :( :(

[homewardangel.livejournal.com]

motorhead? i always just thought that made you stupid (or possibly a werewolf).

[sabotabby]

Aww. I like them a bit. But in an ironic way.

next, paris hilton will write a top-100 books that will make you join the BPP

[beeblism.livejournal.com]

so basically it's the cd collection in any college dorm room.

and ghostface killah?? what? what??

fuck, what a failure. they didn't even mention eurasure!! or book of love! or

well one could go on all night.

Re: next, paris hilton will write a top-100 books that will make you join the BPP

[sabotabby]

Queen and ABBA also were robbed.

[fannishnonsense]

Wow, when I was a kid rock music just made you demon possessed. How far we've come.

Though this does explain my whole bi thing...

[sabotabby]

I wonder what happens if you listen to it backwards. Is that what they make you do at ex-gay camps?

[xturtle.livejournal.com]

The Gay List is pretty much my iTunes playlist. And Why does Elton get the "really gay" annotation, but not Rufus? Rufus is the gay messiah, for heaven's sake.

[sabotabby]

I don't know. Maybe 'cause he got gay-married? Did Rufus get gay-married?

Also

[fannishnonsense]

Poking around that site, I discovered that their ex-gay program is called, "CHANGING HOMOSEXUALS into ORDINARY PEOPLE." Or CHOPS for short (no idea where the "s" comes from). Seriously, you can't even spoof this stuff.

Re: Also

[sabotabby]

The thought that it could potentially be a spoof occurred to me.

Phish!?!

[ed-rex.livejournal.com]

Well, maybe, now that I think of it. Phish leads to pot, which leads to acid, which leads to the Lamps of Perception, which - I suppose - might lead to a desire to open your anus to some groovers phallus.

Where do I sign up for the newsletter?

Re: Phish!?!

[sabotabby]

The thought of doing it with Phishheads or whatever they're called is almost enough to turn me asexual. Fuckin' hippies.

[incendiarymind.livejournal.com]

By the way, DMX once penned these incredibly pro-gay lyrics:

"Last I heard, y'all niggaz was havin sex, with the SAME sex
I show no love, to homo thugs
Empty out, reloaded and throw more slugs
How you gonna explain fuckin a man?
Even if we squashed the beef, I ain't touchin ya hand
I don't buck with chumps, for those to been to jail
That's the cat with the Kool-Aid on his lips and pumps
I don't fuck with niggaz that think they broads."

I think he's actually the next grand marshall of the New York City pride parade.

[beeblism.livejournal.com]

a stalwart christian soldier.

[profane-stencil.livejournal.com]

They mispelled Merzbow. (Maybe that one's from the list of art that will make you gay?)

And how did Lee "Scratch" Perry escape the list? He's so obsessed with his penis, listening to him could make any man gay.

[profane-stencil.livejournal.com]

And P.O.D. is definitely on the wrong list.

[pluvka.livejournal.com]

jay-z and dmx? what the huh?!

also sufjan stevens is so christian! how is that "propogating a Gay message" as they put it? i wonder if someone sent that in because he is soft spoken and plays an acoustic guitar therefore he must be a sissy.

i thought 'heavy' music like POD was satanic, anyway? so confused.

[sabotabby]

I think they're allowed to listen to Christian metal. I've never heard POD, so I don't know if they fall into that category. I gather that they're crap, though.

[jhfurnish.livejournal.com]

I'm surprised at their inclusion of Kansas. Tons of Southern Baptists, including a pastor, whom I knew when I was in my brief fundie stage LOVED Kansas to DEATH because of Kerry Lindgren and the way he basically tells the story of his discovery of Christ and getting saved through the whole catalogue of the band until he left them. (Their material afterward is definitely trash however.) Even the stuff before his conversion is very 'Christian'-compatible, that's why they love it!

I don't think these people know what they're talking about.

[sabotabby]

I didn't know. I can't get over how they sound in order to listen to the lyrics.

[terry-terrible.livejournal.com]

Morrissey(?questionable?)


Hhahahaha! Oh that just kills me.

[sabotabby]

Apparently, he doesn't know which way he swings. I think that's a proto-emo affectation and he should probably just call himself queer or whatever, but to each his own.

[andreazenith.livejournal.com]

What about the B-52's "Loveshack"? If nothing else, it has the potential to be naughty. =^.^=

This excerpt from their site really ticks me off, however:
... We recently started working on the problem of Homosexuality and the issues the Gays face. We believe that they can be fixed...

Yes, hallalujiah! Free fallopian tube knotting! (I couldn't help but make a joke).

[profane-stencil.livejournal.com]

We believe that they can be fixed

We can't let those gay people start breeding!

PS-

[andreazenith.livejournal.com]

Here's a link to the "minister"'s music video:
http://www.eveningservice.com/Video

[elgordochico.livejournal.com]

You know what? Back a few years ago, I could live with people thinking I'm gay, but I couldn't live without Ani DiFranco's songs. I'm glad to see her name on this list. I still listen to her sometimes. "At Seventeen," "Society's Child," "Stars" and all that. There are some really good emotions in those songs.

Another brilliant artist who should light up the gaydar screens everywhere is M. Ward.

[sabotabby]

I like "Gravel" and the stuff she did with Utah Phillips. I draw the line there.

Who's M. Ward?

[threepunchstuff.livejournal.com]

Bravo! That's some goddam audacity throwing down on Ghostface Killah. This is going to be the best MC battle since LL vs. Kool Mo Dee.

[sabotabby]

Hahaha.

Um, the Stones? Really?

[bike4fish.livejournal.com]

Well, how about "Shattered" and "Angie"?

Re: Um, the Stones? Really?

[sabotabby]

They are still the most relentless heterosexual band listened to by relentless heterosexuals that I can think of. Which is not meant as a compliment.

[springheel-jack.livejournal.com]

fake.

[sabotabby]

Really? I thought the website was too craptastic to be a fake. Spoof sites are usually slicker and have better spelling.

sleater-kinney are also to blame for making me happy about girls. hooray for sleater-kinney!

[strawberryrock.livejournal.com]

what an excellent resource for young queers in one horse towns in the bible belt, eh?

Re: sleater-kinney are also to blame for making me happy about girls. hooray for sleater-kinney!

[sabotabby]

You know, I've never heard them.

[seanmonster.livejournal.com]

The String Cheese Incident? What about regular string cheese?

[sabotabby]

I blocked that out.

[soberloki.livejournal.com]

Wow. They missed including Bowie and Modest Mouse for the Homotronic Listening Experiment... and put Sufjan Stevens on the Will Make You A Plumber list? Hysterical.

I love that they included Lauper in the safe list, especially considering 'She Bop' is all about masturbation. Oh crap... too many 'Love Thyself' jokes. Head may explode!

[soberloki.livejournal.com]

Oops. I missed Bowie in their list. Still, it seems a bit incomplete.

[roter-terror.livejournal.com]

LOOOOOK, total freudian slip: "Eminmen"

[sabotabby]

I'm still seeing "enema." I can see how they might get confused.