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sabotabbyI fully admit that my tiny, twisted Jew-brain does not understand Christmas decorations. I only vaguely understand Halloween decorations, but I approve of them on the logic that they guide tiny trick-or-treaters to the houses most likely to have candy. But it's not like people with Christmas lights hand out candy if you knock on their door, so I am uncertain of the point of them. Teenage!Goth!Sabotabby thought that Christmas lights were a cool thing to hang on your room or in your club, but really, my people don't really decorate the front of their houses unless it's with the blood of a lamb or something.
I do like how everything goes twinkly this time of year, though. Sometimes it's very pretty. Sometimes, it's hilariously awful. And sometimes, it's downright upsetting. It's the last possibility that we'll be examining in this post.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
zingerella and I have canvassed our neighbourhood in search of the most disturbing Christmas decorations we could find, and now I will share them with you! Feel free to leave your own in the comments.
Okay, I don't get it. You care enough about Christmas to do lights, but not enough to do your lights yourself. This isn't as deeply creepy as the others, I just find it really weird.
Then again, I suppose it's better to hire a pro than to do something that ends up being outright horrifying, like the following examples.
#5: Speaking of Goth...
Um. Did you mean for the inside of your house to look like someone is summoning Cthulhu in there? If so, that's cool. Otherwise, WTF? We saw more than one house like this, by the way.
#4: Sad Snowman
Snowmen scare me to begin with. Unless they're in optimal condition, they are reminders that all things die, and that death is frequently prolonged and disfiguring. I get why people make snowmen, because the process of it is pretty fun, but what I really don't understand is inflatable snowmen. As soon as they start to deflate, even a little, you are staring into the abyss of your own mortality.
#3: Memento Mori
On second thought, I have nothing bad to say about this one. Nothing at all.
#2: Nativity of the Damned
Nativity scenes can be nice, but did you really have to make one out of scary Victorian dolls? Their cold, lifeless eyes seem to be watching me every time I walk down that street. I am afraid to see what's in the creche. It wants to devour your soul.
Here, have a closer look:
#1: Gyrating cyber-Santa
CYBER-SANTA'S PROGRAMMING FORBIDS IT FROM HARMING A FLESH-CREATURE. CYBER-SANTA'S PROGRAMMING DOES NOT CONSIDER IT HARM IF ITS PELVIS MAKES CONTACT WITH ANY PART OF A FLESH-CREATURE'S BODY.
Because you cannot appreciate the true horror of gyrating cyber-Santa in a still picture, I have uploaded a video. You're welcome.
[If you can't watch video for whatever reason, you just dodged a bullet.]
Okay, I need a kitty chaser.
'Sup?
If you celebrate it, have a good one!
I do like how everything goes twinkly this time of year, though. Sometimes it's very pretty. Sometimes, it's hilariously awful. And sometimes, it's downright upsetting. It's the last possibility that we'll be examining in this post.
zingerella and I have canvassed our neighbourhood in search of the most disturbing Christmas decorations we could find, and now I will share them with you! Feel free to leave your own in the comments.
Okay, I don't get it. You care enough about Christmas to do lights, but not enough to do your lights yourself. This isn't as deeply creepy as the others, I just find it really weird.
Then again, I suppose it's better to hire a pro than to do something that ends up being outright horrifying, like the following examples.
#5: Speaking of Goth...
Um. Did you mean for the inside of your house to look like someone is summoning Cthulhu in there? If so, that's cool. Otherwise, WTF? We saw more than one house like this, by the way.
#4: Sad Snowman
Snowmen scare me to begin with. Unless they're in optimal condition, they are reminders that all things die, and that death is frequently prolonged and disfiguring. I get why people make snowmen, because the process of it is pretty fun, but what I really don't understand is inflatable snowmen. As soon as they start to deflate, even a little, you are staring into the abyss of your own mortality.
#3: Memento Mori
On second thought, I have nothing bad to say about this one. Nothing at all.
#2: Nativity of the Damned
Nativity scenes can be nice, but did you really have to make one out of scary Victorian dolls? Their cold, lifeless eyes seem to be watching me every time I walk down that street. I am afraid to see what's in the creche. It wants to devour your soul.
Here, have a closer look:
#1: Gyrating cyber-Santa
CYBER-SANTA'S PROGRAMMING FORBIDS IT FROM HARMING A FLESH-CREATURE. CYBER-SANTA'S PROGRAMMING DOES NOT CONSIDER IT HARM IF ITS PELVIS MAKES CONTACT WITH ANY PART OF A FLESH-CREATURE'S BODY.
Because you cannot appreciate the true horror of gyrating cyber-Santa in a still picture, I have uploaded a video. You're welcome.
[If you can't watch video for whatever reason, you just dodged a bullet.]
Okay, I need a kitty chaser.
'Sup?
If you celebrate it, have a good one!
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no subject
Date: 2010-12-25 02:00 am (UTC)This is the best line I have read anywhere for several months.
ALSO: I am expecting that Santa to open its arms and say HO HO HO LITTLE BOY DO I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU.
ANOTHER EDIT: If I ever decide to give a damn about Christmas lights, I may
a) rig up some Christmas lights in a Tetris blocks formation
b) rig up a webcam so you could see them online
c) fix it up so people can control it in their browser.
IT WILL ROCK.
no subject
Date: 2010-12-25 02:11 am (UTC)Also, bwahahaha.
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Date: 2010-12-25 02:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-25 02:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-25 02:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-25 02:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-04 08:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-25 03:39 am (UTC)Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!
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Date: 2010-12-25 03:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-25 04:00 am (UTC)Is that the failkitty of woe?
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Date: 2010-12-25 04:47 am (UTC)That is the failkitty of woe. He looks surprisingly smug given his utter lack of dignity yesterday.
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Date: 2010-12-25 04:04 am (UTC)I'm out of town so I can't take a photo, but I'd definitely like to nominate that house on
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Date: 2010-12-25 04:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-25 04:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-25 04:45 am (UTC)Link to KKBB?
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Date: 2010-12-25 11:54 am (UTC)what
what?
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Date: 2010-12-25 02:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-25 02:15 pm (UTC)a dvd.
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Date: 2010-12-25 02:17 pm (UTC)perhaps this is unusual
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Date: 2010-12-25 02:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-25 02:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-25 02:21 pm (UTC)It was given to me by a friend who delights in giving me really terrible-yet-hilarious presents. The same friend (who is also Jewish, BTW) managed to dig up a copy of Protocols of the Elders of Zion for my birthday once. I am actually not sure whether that or Battlefield Earth count as a greater crime against humanity.
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Date: 2010-12-25 02:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-25 05:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-25 02:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-25 05:30 am (UTC)tangent of unrelate: so friends stopped by to give me presents before I left, and one of them gave me tiny boxes of soapflakes for emergency uses in public restrooms, and the other friend gave me a 45 record player suitcase. SUITCASE RECORD PLAYER AND SOAP
I THINK I CAN SAFELY SAY THIS IS THE BEST also my friends know me a little too well
but you know what this means
roadtrip of soap and record player
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Date: 2010-12-25 02:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-25 02:15 pm (UTC)Cthulu
Date: 2010-12-25 12:17 pm (UTC)http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/gear/c8d1/
It's not on my tree this year, but it's on my list. If I could find Cthulu lights, that would totally ROCK.
Re: Cthulu
Date: 2010-12-25 02:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-25 12:43 pm (UTC)I see what you mean about snowmen, although when you make a real one it's point is, I suppose, to rejoice in the transient snow, so it shouldn't be so bad. Although I have on a number of occasions burst into tears when my snowman has melted, in recent years, so I can't talk.
I feel the same about horrible zombie and skeleton stuff. Mortality terrifies me.
Gyrating santa ha ha.
I have a mini kitsch nativity set and I hoovered up the baby Jesus by mistake, so now they are all staring at an empty cot, aghast.
I assumed the lights with the advert belonged to a hopefully home business start-up doing Christmas lights.
We don't get many American-style Christmas displays outside homes in London, thank goodness. We get nice twinkly lights on trees in the streets, though. And in Sheffield (up North) they had the town centre lit up saying, "Happy Eid, Happy Christmas, Happy Hankkah" or something, which reminded me of your school's happy-holidays letter. My (Muslim) doctor said, "happy holiday" to me, which was nice.
I have been avoiding writing about Christmas on LJ so as not to distress you. So far mine involves lots of chocolate, and trying to get Ian out of bed to go on doggie walk to the druid mound.
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Date: 2010-12-25 02:17 pm (UTC)I am actually fine with skeletons and zombies, but snowmen and balloons are a real problem for me.
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Date: 2010-12-25 06:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-25 01:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-25 02:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-25 06:09 pm (UTC)but it was very nice still.
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Date: 2010-12-26 03:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-26 05:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-26 11:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-26 11:55 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2010-12-30 07:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-31 11:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-04 08:51 pm (UTC)Part 2 is even better.