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sabotabbyWhat happened: Lord Tubby of Fleet (that's not a fat joke BTW, that was apparently his prison nickname) interviewed his new BFF, the Honourable Wife-Beating, Drunk-Driving, Bird-Flipping, Crack-Smoking, Drug-Dealer-Murdering, Lying Liar What Lies Mayor of Toronto. You can watch the video here:
Or read the Star to get the most newsworthy bits.
But I think I'll do a reaction post anyway, because let's face it, this is an HISTORIC INTERVIEW OF EPIC LULZ.
- The Zoomer: Television For Boomers With Zip. This is a thing in the world? This is a thing in the world.
There are some individual Boomers I like as people—a lot, really—but as a generation, I really loathe the fuckers, and this is exactly why.
- Okay, this is a parody. I can tell by the music.
- No wait this is the actual interview. They're serious about the music. This is not ironic music.
- Now they're joking about the make-up guy assaulting Ford. LOL! Litigious bastards, aren't they?
- Black very gently suggests that Ford might have, if you don't mind him saying so, gone about things the wrong way. This is as critical as he's going to get during the interview.
- Ford admits that he regrets getting caught.
- It's no big deal, everyone gets publicly drunk at sports games and forgets which team they're watching now and then.
- No one cares about your weight, Ford. Stop bringing it up.
- You have so missed a lot of work. There are public records of these things!
- Ford's not so bad, he didn't actually pull a Ralph Klein and show up drunk at a homeless shelter and start yelling at the people there. Have some perspective, people!
- Ford helps out the homeless! He won't give them money, though, because they might spend it on crack.
- Come to Jesus moment?
- Ford claims to not have had a drop of alcohol in a whole five weeks, and he was never an alcoholic.
- Ford admits to being immature, Black stresses that he's apologized and people should accept that.
- Black says that the media is failing the test by not forgiving Ford after he apologized. Ford agrees!
- Ford once again claims that he's saved money, unemployment's down, the city's booming, they're building subways, and there are no strikes. So basically he's sold the city to developers, though in fairness, I think it was Miller who did that.
- You did not create any jobs, Ford, STFU. Not even Lord Black believes you on that one.
- Because your statistics aren't trustworthy, Ford. That's all been debunked.
- Awww look, they're bonding over how much the Star hates them.
- LOL Black said "dollop." And "confected sanctimony." You are not British stop trying to be British.
- Some of the people who want pictures of Ford are neo-Nazis and Hells Angels, just sayin'.
- Hahaha Ford talking about things that are illegal. Like drinking and driving and smoking crack?
- GRAVY TRAIN!
- Yes you are leading the witness, Black, but it's understandable as the witness can't form complete sentences.
- Ford says he's the Best! Mayor! Ever!
- Black: "You have acknowledged having done some things that are 'not legal,' but they're not as I understand it, the ones have been admitted by you, matters that can be charged. Because there are no witnesses." That's something that Black knows a lot about because he's a convicted felon.
- Ford claims to support cops but claims Blair is persecuting him because Ford wanted to cut his budget.
- Aw, allow me to play the world's smallest violin for the toll this has taken on Ford's family.
- The police keep coming by your house because you keep calling them, asshole. Sometimes because your wife does, when you beat her.
- Tell me where the bad Toronto Star touched you, Robby!
- Ford accuses Star reporter Daniel Dale of being a pedophile.
- Ford claims there's nothing else that's going to come out. Why is there not already an autotune remix of this interview?
- Ford offers to pee it out RIGHT NOW in front of Lord Black. Lord Black is nonplussed. This is actually the best bit.
- For the last time, NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR WORKOUT REGIMEN.
Well that was 17 minutes of my life I'll never get back. Worth it, though; the whole thing is comedy gold.
ETA some reaction gifs, because apparently I'm a 13-year-old girl on Tumblr.
Or read the Star to get the most newsworthy bits.
But I think I'll do a reaction post anyway, because let's face it, this is an HISTORIC INTERVIEW OF EPIC LULZ.
- The Zoomer: Television For Boomers With Zip. This is a thing in the world? This is a thing in the world.
There are some individual Boomers I like as people—a lot, really—but as a generation, I really loathe the fuckers, and this is exactly why.
- Okay, this is a parody. I can tell by the music.
- No wait this is the actual interview. They're serious about the music. This is not ironic music.
- Now they're joking about the make-up guy assaulting Ford. LOL! Litigious bastards, aren't they?
- Black very gently suggests that Ford might have, if you don't mind him saying so, gone about things the wrong way. This is as critical as he's going to get during the interview.
- Ford admits that he regrets getting caught.
- It's no big deal, everyone gets publicly drunk at sports games and forgets which team they're watching now and then.
- No one cares about your weight, Ford. Stop bringing it up.
- You have so missed a lot of work. There are public records of these things!
- Ford's not so bad, he didn't actually pull a Ralph Klein and show up drunk at a homeless shelter and start yelling at the people there. Have some perspective, people!
- Ford helps out the homeless! He won't give them money, though, because they might spend it on crack.
- Come to Jesus moment?
- Ford claims to not have had a drop of alcohol in a whole five weeks, and he was never an alcoholic.
- Ford admits to being immature, Black stresses that he's apologized and people should accept that.
- Black says that the media is failing the test by not forgiving Ford after he apologized. Ford agrees!
- Ford once again claims that he's saved money, unemployment's down, the city's booming, they're building subways, and there are no strikes. So basically he's sold the city to developers, though in fairness, I think it was Miller who did that.
- You did not create any jobs, Ford, STFU. Not even Lord Black believes you on that one.
- Because your statistics aren't trustworthy, Ford. That's all been debunked.
- Awww look, they're bonding over how much the Star hates them.
- LOL Black said "dollop." And "confected sanctimony." You are not British stop trying to be British.
- Some of the people who want pictures of Ford are neo-Nazis and Hells Angels, just sayin'.
- Hahaha Ford talking about things that are illegal. Like drinking and driving and smoking crack?
- GRAVY TRAIN!
- Yes you are leading the witness, Black, but it's understandable as the witness can't form complete sentences.
- Ford says he's the Best! Mayor! Ever!
- Black: "You have acknowledged having done some things that are 'not legal,' but they're not as I understand it, the ones have been admitted by you, matters that can be charged. Because there are no witnesses." That's something that Black knows a lot about because he's a convicted felon.
- Ford claims to support cops but claims Blair is persecuting him because Ford wanted to cut his budget.
- Aw, allow me to play the world's smallest violin for the toll this has taken on Ford's family.
- The police keep coming by your house because you keep calling them, asshole. Sometimes because your wife does, when you beat her.
- Tell me where the bad Toronto Star touched you, Robby!
- Ford accuses Star reporter Daniel Dale of being a pedophile.
- Ford claims there's nothing else that's going to come out. Why is there not already an autotune remix of this interview?
- Ford offers to pee it out RIGHT NOW in front of Lord Black. Lord Black is nonplussed. This is actually the best bit.
- For the last time, NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR WORKOUT REGIMEN.
Well that was 17 minutes of my life I'll never get back. Worth it, though; the whole thing is comedy gold.
ETA some reaction gifs, because apparently I'm a 13-year-old girl on Tumblr.
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no subject
Date: 2013-12-11 02:18 am (UTC)Runs off to make it a lj interest (had to remove "terrorist fist jabs" ages ago).
no subject
Date: 2013-12-11 02:21 am (UTC)(Why did you have to remove "terrorist fist jabs"?)
no subject
Date: 2013-12-11 02:43 am (UTC)Will scrawl answer on bottom of holiday card, assuming D ever finishes drawing the holiday cards.
no subject
Date: 2013-12-11 04:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-12-11 07:26 pm (UTC)Credit where it's due, *shurely*!
Date: 2013-12-11 02:34 am (UTC)Meanwhile, I must quibble about a couple of things.
First, though "Lord Tubby of Fleet" might have been his prison nick-name, but it wasn't invented there and it was, at least in part, a fat joke.
In point of fact, credit (or blame) must go to the no-longer-late Frank Magazine. The scurrilous and juvenile rag loathed Black nearly as much as it did
MuldoonMulrooney, and a quick search provides evidence they used it before 2004 (my memory says much further back).It's old-fashioned and expensive, but I think you'd get a kick out of it, nonetheless. I leave with a behind-the-scenes scoop:
no subject
Date: 2013-12-11 02:44 am (UTC)I...hope that's a blowjob and not an illustration of hizzoner's urine drug test, and do you know how much it pained me to have to write out that sentence?
Yes and no
Date: 2013-12-11 05:01 am (UTC)And might again, now that it's back.
As for the pic, I thought it depicted a blow-job, but now you've lowered my imagination to an entirely different sub-basement.
Either way, can it be shown live on SunTV? Please?
no subject
Date: 2013-12-11 11:51 am (UTC)There's no gross thing that my brain can't make grosser.
no subject
Date: 2013-12-11 01:14 pm (UTC)You have no idea how tempted I am to test this assertion.
I'll make a point of it
Date: 2013-12-11 09:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-12-11 03:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-12-11 11:52 am (UTC)This said, I have no doubt that he would pee on television, and I almost respect that.
no subject
Date: 2013-12-11 06:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-12-11 04:59 pm (UTC):P
no subject
Date: 2013-12-12 12:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-12-12 01:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-12-11 05:58 pm (UTC)Well, if the mayor of a major metropolitan area is offering to buy one homeless guy a meal, what else can he do? Besides support an infrastructure of social services or something along those lines...
no subject
Date: 2013-12-12 12:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-12-12 07:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-12-12 11:52 am (UTC)