Who wants to see my pretty pretty princess cake?

[sabotabby]

Miss Lynx is having a princess party because we're grownups and we can do things like that now, so I baked a ridonkulous cake. I want to post it to FB but I don't want her to see it yet, and while she has a DW, she never checks it, so I think I am safe posting it here.

It is not as structurally sound as I want it to be, on account of I thought I would use good jam that was tasty, rather than cheap-ass jam, but it turns out the cheap jam does a much better job of holding cake together. Oh well. Fondant covers a multitude of sins. I'd like to get a bit faster with sculpting so that I can get a better face without worrying that it will dry out, but not bad for a first attempt at a person-cake?













Here it is before I painted it. Like a Greek statue, it looked far less tacky, but I was going for tacky:




 

Comments

[notasupervillain]

Ahhhhhhh that's the most amazing and terrifying cake I have ever seen. Happy princess day!

[notasupervillain]

WHO'S GONNA EAT THE HEAD

[sabotabby]

Someone who likes fondant more than I do.* Miss Lynx's daughter, I bet, if she's allowed to.

* It's hilarious 'cause I don't actually like sweet things all that much, but I enjoy the act of baking and making art that doesn't languish in my house after I've made it. I was waxing rhapsodic about fondant to the nice people at the baking supply shop because it really is great—you can sculpt it, you can paint it, and it's vegan (at least the kind they sell there is. But I have a little bit and I am full of sickness and regret, because sugar and I don't get along. But I love working with it and I can eat it at least, and it holds my fails together.

[notasupervillain]

I'm not that into sweets, and as a child I carved potatoes into shapes before they got turned into French fries. I never got as far as carving a princess, though. Mostly just made letters.

[lapinlunaire]

I hate fondant (it makes cakes look amazing but I can't eat it) and I would still want to eat the head. I'd regret it forever but it would be WORTH IT

[sabotabby]

I regretted the very tiny piece of fondant that I ate.

[fidget]

This is fucking fantastic and horrifying. Well done!

[sabotabby]

It's not meant to be horrifying but horrifying it is, so Imma run with it.

[tetsab]

*laugh* yes. I am +1 on this comment even with the stated unintentionality below (I'm also glad that based on later comments I wasn't the only one mesmerized by the boobs. Ha!).

[joymoose]

Amazing!!

[sabotabby]

:D :D :D

[metalana]

Boobalicious confectionery!

[sabotabby]

Did not mean to put her boobs up by her chin, it just kinda happened and I left it.

[rydra_wong]

She has awesome attitude, boobs and all.

[sabotabby]

She is a sassy princess. Well she was until she was mostly eaten.

[gingicat]

I love it.

[sabotabby]

I'm way too excited about it.

[minoanmiss]

She's really buxom for a non-dairy cake! ha ha ha

Seriously, this is gorgeous! I am awed that you made an actually fully edible beautiful sculpture.

[sabotabby]

I am pretty proud of myself. I need to work on faces, though. I am perfectly capable of sculpting a better face than that, but I'm always paranoid that I'll run out of time and it'll dry out.

[robin_iamar]

IDK, I think the Greeks would've approved, the gaudier the better. :D

[franklanguage]

Yeah; actually, Greek statues were originally painted.

[sabotabby]

I know! That was the joke. :)

[dragonlady7]

that is AMAZING

[sabotabby]

:D :D :D

[50ftqueenie]

Holy shit is that ever awesome! Sorry to be missing it. I’m staying home and keeping M company tonight since he can’t go out to Bauhaus tomorrow.

[sabotabby]

Fair. I feel awful that M can't make it. There really needs to be more accessibility concerns with concert venues.

[grimjim]

In all fairness, Greek statues were originally painted in gaudy colors.
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/true-colors-17888/

[sabotabby]

I know; I was trying to make a funny. :)

[ironed_orchid]

OMG!

I was expecting a pretty cake in lots of pink, but that is an edible sculpture and it is amazing!

[sabotabby]

I'm too messy to do pretty well. Sculpture with watercolour painting is actually easier for me than, say, piping, which I have never learned how to do properly.

There's something called a Princess Cake that's from Sweden, and I contemplated making one, but the birthday girl does not like marzipan, so I opted for this.

[ironed_orchid]

P.S I got the Greek statue joke.

[sabotabby]

*relieved*

[wlach]

Yeah I'd say that's pretty impressive for a first attempt. What's fondant like to work with? Sounds like something that would demand quite a bit of patience.

[sabotabby]

Ehhh, not really. I use it because it doesn't require much patience. Though it depends on the type. The kind I get from the baking store down the street is really good to work with; it rolls out quite thin and is pretty pliable.

Difficulties are:

1) Timing. I'm capable of much better anatomy and detail than this, but it dries out in 10 minutes. You can fix it a bit with water, but there were potential structural integrity issues with the cake as well (which turned out fine; the jam set by the time the cake was ready to go, and it was worth the initial annoyance because it did taste much better than the cheap jam I normally use) so I didn't want to mess with it too much. But you have to be careful with sealing it too.

2) Weight. The arms were originally proportional, but they sagged and I didn't think of toothpicks until later.

3) Taste. It's straight-up sugar. I haven't discovered a way to cut it. Nailed It! uses rice crispy squares, which I could theoretically make myself using Dandies, but that's a pain in the ass and also I don't even like rice crispy squares. I'm working on rolling it thinner because a small amount is fine, but a large amount gives me heart palpitations. There's no avoiding it with sculptural elements, though.

In general, it is a miracle substance and a gift to people like me who are bad at icing.

[rinue]

I love princess cakes, I love bright tacky colors, and I love good jam, so I approve of all of your choices. A magnificent achievement.

[sabotabby]

I may need to make more things like this in the future. Although they are a massive pain.

[lapinlunaire]

I'm sorry, I can't stop laughing about this terrifying cake. In any case I love it.

[sabotabby]

I showed it to the people in the baking store, who were having a baking workshop with little girls. One of the kids wanted to see, so I showed her, and she was like, "It's so lumpy!"