in lieu of joining note_to_cat

[sabotabby]

Dear cats,

House centipedes are useful. They eat other, less pleasant bugs. That doesn't change the fact that I am totally petrified of them. Accordingly:

• Feel free to eat the centipedes. Just not all of the centipedes.

• Please do not, however, play with the centipedes and then let them go. I don't want to be finding half-centipedes crawling around, 'cause eww.

• Along the same lines, when you've killed a centipede, please eat it rather than leave it as a present for me.

I know now that you're both mighty hunters, as I saw you playing with a centipede last night. In fact, you kept me up for some time while you caught it, let it go, let the other cat catch it, let it go again, put it in your mouth, rinse, lather, and repeat. I would appreciate if you arranged it so that I didn't actually have to see the spectacle, or the dismembered results.

Thank you for your consideration in this matter.

Sincerely,

sabotabby

Comments

[apperception.livejournal.com]

What a centipederific day!

[sabotabby]

It's the season for them, I guess.

[thenetwork.livejournal.com]

Yum, leggy critters!

[sabotabby]

They're crunchy. And vaguely Burroughs-esque.

[thenetwork.livejournal.com]

Vaguely, hell. The ones I saw in the tropics are half a meter long, and they glow in the dark like an old fashioned radium-dial watch. I don't know whether they are crunvhy, but they're very, very creepy.

[sabotabby]

That's gross but somehow cool.

[thenetwork.livejournal.com]

Yeah. They also have roaches as long as my forearm and rats Marinetti's size. It's kinda like being on another planet, really.

[sabotabby]

And yet, I still want to see a tropical rainforest. I must be a masochist.

[frippy.livejournal.com]

Oh my god, what's LESS pleasant than a house centipede?

Also, why did nobody online (and I read journals back in the day, before everyone just got lazy and called them all blogs) ever mention house centipedes online years ago, before I moved to North Carolina and wound up living in a house that had them? I suspect either a conspiracy to keep me uninformed (ditto on the huge, flying, Southern roaches, which is one more reason I will never move to Florida, ever) or maybe there's more house centipedes now than there were 7 years ago.

[sabotabby]

I thought they were everywhere. I've always had them, in every place I've ever lived.

Things that are less pleasant than house centipedes: maggots, fruit flies, mosquitos, carpenter ants, and cockroaches. Especially cockroaches.

*shudder*

[thenetwork.livejournal.com]

And silverfish. Ew.

[sabotabby]

And earwigs.

[thenetwork.livejournal.com]

I like earwigs and pillbugs. Because they don't end up in my food supplies!

[apperception.livejournal.com]

One morning I woke up and there was an earwig crawling on my face.

[azad-slide.livejournal.com]

my old cat used to do that with lizards, mice, and birds! he used to leave them on our front door as a present, it was lovely

[sabotabby]

I was going to formulate a response but I'm too busy laughing over your icon.

[threeliesforone.livejournal.com]

i think it's all the rain & damp; it makes them crawl up from the drains. EW!

once, ella [& i'm sure it was ella as the bathtub is her favourite place to nap all year round] killed a centiped [yay!] & then managed to take all it's legs off [boo!]. it was a disgusting mess to wash down the drain to say the least. those are one of the few bugs i'm terrified of. we used to call them "legs=hair" bugs as, well, that's what they look like. plus, a friend of mine's basement was completely INFESTED with the things & i used to spend a lot of time there...sleeping on the couch. ugh. gross. nasty. i feel all crawly now.

[sabotabby]

Sorry to dredge up such memories!

How does a cat manage to remove all of a centipede's legs? I don't get it.

[pretzelsalt.livejournal.com]

Cats have leg from torso rendering lazers in their nipples.

*waits for sudden furry death as a consequence of telling what I know*

[threeliesforone.livejournal.com]

i didn't get it either! but i swear, she did it. i wouldn't've taken pictures if it wasn't so entirely gross.

[king-felix.livejournal.com]

The attacks against the centipede-people will continue until we have purified the earth through the fire of war.

[sabotabby]

I feel very safe with my two protectors.

[missandrony.livejournal.com]

Oh, God, once again I am grateful to live in NorCal, blissfully free of house centipedes and cockroaches. Although the winter ant invasions are rather irritating.

[sabotabby]

Have you tried growing mint? I hear that helps.

[missandrony.livejournal.com]

You know, before we had our backyard landscaped, we grew mint on the hill in our yard. The ants still came in, but then again, that was several feet from the house.

Now, in bushy areas, we have deer ticks to fear. Nasty little buggers.

[bike4fish.livejournal.com]

do you have banana slugs?

[sabotabby]

Oh, those are creepy. But again, kind of cool.

[missandrony.livejournal.com]

No, not in my part of the Bay Area, but down the coast, towards Santa Cruz, they do.

[zingerella.livejournal.com]

Dear Sabotabby,

We love you! We will protect you from all many-legged crawly things! Unless we get bored of them, first, that is.

We do not like the taste of the house centipedes. Besides, how would you know we loved you if we didn't bring our prey to you? And how would you know what clever, cunning, sadistic little carnivores we are if we didn't show you how we can make the buggses skitter?

We like it when the bugses skitter. It amuses us.

You're always saying we should play nicely together. We wanted to show you that we know how! Now you are telling us not to play in front of you. Bad parents send mixed messages, you know.

Anyway, we're going to ignore you, because we're cats, and that's what we do. Also because you haven't proffered any kittytreats or shot us with a water pistol.

And your bed is the bestest stashing place for dead things ever! Because you find them, and make amusing noises. The other monkey never looks under her bed, unless she needs a sweater. (And she's very annoyingly encased the sweaters in icky plastic stuff so that we can't shed on them and they don't make comfy kitty beds. She is a meanie.)

We are mighty hunters! And sadistic torturers! And loyal companions adorable, furry friends who want you to know just how we love and adore you*!

Signed,

Luna and Marinetti



* So keep the kittytreats coming, minion!

[sabotabby]

I'm surprised that they don't demand tuna.

[zingerella.livejournal.com]

Luna doesn't like tuna.

[sabotabby]

Neither does Marinetti. They are odd cats.

[rohmie.livejournal.com]

That sounds like a fine name for a song or a band. For the song, it should be "Luna don't like tuna." Maybe give it a country-western treatment. For the band name, it should be "Luna likes tuna" which is a lie but sounds better.