Beepocalypse

[sabotabby]

There's something poetic about the beepocalypse*; it won't be a nuclear holocaust that does us in, or even global-warming-related flooding, but a sudden absence of bees.**



Caused by, of course, that quintessential sign of social decay, the cell phone.

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a ring-tone.***

* © king_felix
** Do you think that I can get anyone to form a band with me called A Sudden Absence of Bees? No, I don't think so either. No one likes my band names.
*** © Tumbleweed

Comments

[mistersmearcase.livejournal.com]

Wait, what do cell phones have to do with it?

I am down with your band names. I had an imaginary band for a while called Bad Breast. It was a psychoanalytic joke, deeply hilarious.

[sabotabby]

Cell phones are killing the bees!

I had an imaginary band for a while called Bad Breast. It was a psychoanalytic joke, deeply hilarious.

Heh.

[sabotabby]

And by "killing" I meant "disorienting." Or something.

[mistersmearcase.livejournal.com]

I glanced at an article, maybe the same one. Seems we're, uh, degaussing them? Demagnetizing? Did one know bees were magnetized in the first place?

TRADEMARK! COPYRIGHT! PATENT PENDING!!!

[nom-de-grr.livejournal.com]

It must be made absolutely clear that king_felix is borrowing the term "beepocalypse" from our IRL conversations, and anytime he uses it, he owes me a cool million.

Re: TRADEMARK! COPYRIGHT! PATENT PENDING!!!

[sabotabby]

Awesome! But I don't have to pay, do I?

[flummoxicated.livejournal.com]

Won't someone please think of the bees?

I like your band name!

[sabotabby]

Thanks!

[cpxbrex.livejournal.com]

I actually doubt it's cell phones. First, the guy, Jochen Kuhn, who is proposing that as a hypothesis has been smack talking cell phones for 15 years. This career is basically trying to prove that cell phones will destroy the world, which doesn't seem the most honest place to do science from -- I'm very hinky about presuppositionalism in his claims.

Also, where they winter bee hives isn't precisely cell phone central. Plus, so far, and this has been as true in Europe as America, past a certain latitude, colonies have not been undergoing CCD. So, colonies collapsing in America, but so far Canadian beens seem to resist this. You see the same thing in Europe. In Poland and Germany, you see some CCD, but none in Scandinavian countries.

My guess is that the poor bees are just overtired and quite sick. In the US, pretty much every bee in America comes to around 400,000 acres in California to pollinate almond trees. This gives any one bee colony that might be fucked up the opportunity to spread whatever it's gotten to every other bee in America. This is true to a lesser extent in bee colonies in every country, but it's worst in the US because of the economy of almond production in particular. (Tho' I also suspect it's caused by a number of things. All of this travel also means, for instance, that every pesticide in the USA ends up in every bee in America.)

But I seriously doubt that cell phone towers have more than a tangential role to play, because the destruction of colonies seems unconnected to the concentration of cell phone signals and because the researcher who is heading the research is emotionally involved with proving cell phones hurt people.

[sabotabby]

Though I'm sympathetic to any argument that cell phones are destroying the world. My day consists of people's ringtones going off and people thinking that I really care about their mundane lives.

[zingerella.livejournal.com]

What?!? You mean you don't?

oh well.

[sabotabby]

I was walking by Starfucks yesterday. Two hipster types were sitting on the patio. One was sitting and, well, drinking her coffee, and the other was yapping so loudly into her cell phone that you could hear her from a block away. Apparently someone's mental state is much better these days, but I don't think this was an interesting enough development that everyone on Queen St. needed to hear it.

[zingerella.livejournal.com]

But it's myyyyyy life! It's impooooortant!

[ltmurnau.livejournal.com]

I don't think cell phones will destroy the world, rather they will destroy the people who use them (I note with approval the admittedly spotty research on how habitual cell phone users get more strokes and tumours). That can't be all bad....

[sabotabby]

They unfortunately destroy a lot of cyclists because drivers aren't paying attention. :(

[cpxbrex.livejournal.com]

We get this here in California, too. Not just drivers, but also pedestrians. Several times, I've just had people basically jump out in front of me, yapping into their cell phones. Once, to avoid such a person, I pulled an endo. Mmmm. I just LOVE kissin' concrete.

[spacemind67.livejournal.com]

An off duty cop killed a pedestrian here-text messaging while driving.

[cpxbrex.livejournal.com]

Hey, in most ways I agree with you. If every cell phone tower on earth was smashed, I would not weep. ;)

[5-miles.livejournal.com]

Lately I have been thinking about raising bees, maybe there is no point.

That article fills me with terror. I am going to go post it in my journal.

[sabotabby]

No, you should raise bees! Bees are cool.

[cpxbrex.livejournal.com]

You should raise bees! Because your beens wouldn't be shipped around the country, soaking up every pesticide and mite in the freakin' work, the odds of you having a colony collapse aren't very high. I haven't heard that CCD is effecting hobbyists.

I'd seriously think about raising bees if we had the space for it. Bees are cool.

[chailash.livejournal.com]

I've heard about this. It frightens me. I am going to start becoming a hermit and hide in the cellar of my house in France while the world ends.

At least I will be drunk while it happens.

[sabotabby]

It's a good way to go.

[apperception.livejournal.com]

I wanna call my band "Municipal Pool"

[sabotabby]

I like that. annaotto and I were swimming in one awhile back, and it was evacuated due to shitting children, so we thought The Shitting Children would be a good band name.

[springheel-jack.livejournal.com]

Heh. It's awesome! It's not true, but it's awesome.

[sabotabby]

It has a ring of truth about it, though.

(I haven't slept. I'm allowed to make bad puns.)

[sadie-sabot.livejournal.com]

cell phones or no, something is killing the bees, and it's terrifying. i want to know what i can do for the bees, seriously. I can't keep bees, but maybe I cna grow some special bee friendly plant?

we are just so fucked.

[sabotabby]

We've been fucked for awhile. There's just something especially creepy about this story.

[sadie-sabot.livejournal.com]

what really creeps me out is the knowledge that humans will not DO anythng about it, whatever the cause. We're just not collectively willing to make any decisions that might involve sacrifice. by we, of course, i mean the rich white bastards who rule the world.

[woe-cruel-world.livejournal.com]

didn't Einstien say we'd have like 4 years left on earth after all the bees died?

the bulldog picture is really convincing :-S

[sabotabby]

Yeah, he did. But he didn't account for replacing the bees with dogs in bee costumes.

[troubleinchina.livejournal.com]

Maybe he did, but I find it unlikely.

Not that I disagree with the sentiment at all. *sigh*

[emak-bakia.livejournal.com]

No one likes my band names, either. If we can make a combination of A Sudden Absence of Bees and Kronstadt Flunky, then I'll form a band with you.

[sabotabby]

There's a geographical problem, though. :( :( :( Also, I suspect you're a better musician than I am by a factor of like a million.

[emak-bakia.livejournal.com]

Haha! I wouldn't be so sure!