Seriously?

[sabotabby]

My heart goes out to the families of the victims, killed in a tragic accident that has provided the most quintessentially Canadian of all headlines: Flying bear kills two Canadians.

...for real. This is a thing that can happen.

Comments

[sandoz-iscariot.livejournal.com]

fate can seriously be cruel and bizarre.

[treehavn.livejournal.com]

...fuck me.

[rohmie.livejournal.com]

There needs to be a rating scale of Canadian-ness. This is a five maple leaf news story.

[misslynx.livejournal.com]

OK, this is the second time I've had to use the WTF icon in the past half-hour (the other, if anyone is curious, was in response to this - please note, not even remotely safe for work - or sanity).

I have to admit, I kind of regret actually clicking on the story. Because sadly, the actual facts of the accident are far less awe-inspiring than the headline.

[sabotabby]

There is a way that they could have described the accident that would have been more factual and less funny. Bless their journalistic souls, they did not choose that path.

throbbing column of fuck meat.

throbbing column of fuck meat.

throbbing column of fuck meat.

Why did I not stick with music, misslynx? If I had a band, every sentence in that link could be a song title or lyric.

[misslynx.livejournal.com]

I think my favourite line was "Drive your tongue into the holy sacrament before your angry member violates its ramparts!", actually. But yes, much musical potential. In particular, I think "squirming anal burrow" needs to be the name of some sort of experimental industrial noise band.

And if you liked that one, you'll love the follow-up someone posted today, after finding another work by the same author: http://weepingcock.livejournal.com/625439.html

Some choice phrases this time around:

"exciting anal assault"
"virgin royal butt orifice"
and perhaps most terrifying/hilarious of all: "snapping ass lips"

SNAPPING. ASS. LIPS.

But of course, as is usual with weepingcock, it's often the comments that are the funniest. this one in particular just about killed me.

[sabotabby]

I would totally join weepingcock except that I think it would end up unduly influencing my porn writing. Which is bad enough as is.

[nellorat.livejournal.com]

I more imagined Bear on a Plane.

It's sad, but I can't help laughing. Good thing the families of the victims will never know, because I just can't help it.

[chickenfeet2003.livejournal.com]

This just reinforces my belief that we need more dedicated bear lanes.

Also in "the how Canadian can you get category", seen at the Beach this morning a sign that read "Lawn bowling; it's curling on grass"

[sphinctourist.livejournal.com]

I'm still deciding if it's terrible that I just can't stop laughing at the thought of a flying bear of death.

[sabotabby]

I think the thing about a flying bear is that you can't really cast judgment. It is not a terrible thing or a good thing. It simply is.